Parenting
Ask the Mom: How Do I Approach My Overweight Teen?
by Jenna Parker
Updated: Dec. 18, 2015
Originally Published: May 6, 2015
Dear Jenna,
My 13-year-old daughter is carrying about 10 to 15 extra pounds, and she’s aware of it, which bothers her. Our doctor has brought it up gently (offering just a smidgen of advice), and I’m eager to help her without adding to her worries. With so many young girls struggling with eating disorders these days, I’m treading lightly. Should I consider enrolling her in a program like Weight Watchers, or should we focus on solutions at home? We generally maintain a healthy diet with minimal junk food, but she faces challenges like large portions when she’s out with friends or indulging in her Easter candy all at once.
Thanks!
Concerned Mom
I completely understand your concerns, Concerned! Thirteen can be a tricky age, and the last thing you want is to exacerbate any insecurities your daughter might have. At the same time, it’s commendable that you want to guide her toward lifelong healthy habits.
You’ve mentioned that you keep nutritious food at home, but portion sizes can still lead to weight gain, especially for a growing teen. Instead of focusing solely on weight, consider having a casual conversation about what constitutes a serving size and how many calories it takes to gain or lose weight. Try to introduce this subject in a light, relatable way—like pointing out that a bottle of chocolate milk is actually two servings. This approach can spark a constructive dialogue without singling her out or making her feel criticized.
Above all, emphasize health over size. Encourage her to get active by signing her up for fun activities and by being an active role model yourself. Show her how to enjoy meals together, fill plates with reasonable portions, and savor each bite. Frame any changes as adding positive experiences—like new exercise routines or more vegetables—rather than taking things away.
I get it; I have a child who’s also a bit on the heavier side, and it’s natural to want to help while protecting them from unnecessary criticism. Your daughter knows her situation, so it’s crucial to avoid adding shame to the mix. My strategy has been to set an example with healthy choices and only offer advice when she explicitly asks for it. Honestly, that doesn’t happen often, but it’s usually when teens are most open to hearing it.
Good luck on this journey, Concerned, and best wishes to you and your daughter!
Jenna