I always thought my parents would be around forever—don’t we all? When they had us, they were practically kids themselves, dreaming of being young grandparents just like their own parents were. By the time they turned 26, they had already welcomed four kids into the world, which is a far cry from the trend happening today. I didn’t meet my partner until I was 32, and instead of diving straight into parenthood, we decided to enjoy our carefree, spontaneous romance for a few more years. So, we didn’t have our first child until I was 37.
And we’re not alone in this wait. Enter the term “grandparent deficit,” coined by Time Magazine. This refers to a generation of children who miss out on having grandparents who are spry enough to babysit or keep up with them in the way our grandparents did. I still remember my great-grandmother playing tennis! My grandmother, who just turned 95, was a youthful 47 when I was born, and by then, I was her fourth grandchild. We shared a wonderful bond, and I could talk to her about anything. With her life choices, she created a beautiful legacy, with so many kids and grandkids that she could form a small army. While I look up to her, I know my experience will differ; I had my first child later in life, at 37, and my second at 41.
I can definitely understand the bittersweet nature of this grandparent deficit. My own grandparents were incredibly devoted and always eager to spend time with us, and they had a bit of a friendly rivalry, which meant we received endless love and attention. Some of my best memories with my grandmother, who passed away while I was in college, were simply spent in her living room playing games she invented or listening to her whimsical stories starring the Wickawitch family. There’s a unique intimacy that comes from having such a wide age gap.
That same grandmother and I became quite close. As a teenager, I would hop on the subway to catch movies with her, sharing secrets I wouldn’t tell anyone else. My friends even wanted to tag along! Now with my own kids, who are 11 and 7, my dad is 72, though he’s the liveliest 72-year-old I know. Sadly, I lost my mom to cancer a few years back. While my kids had some moments with her, they won’t have those teenage friendships that I cherished, which truly breaks my heart.
What Can We Do?
So what can we do? It seems that people aren’t rushing to marry just to escape their parents’ homes like they used to. My parents tied the knot at 20, but that didn’t last long once they hit their 30s and realized they wanted different things. Telling folks to have kids sooner isn’t a practical solution, as it’s not a fixable issue. What we can do, however, is foster as much of a relationship as possible between our kids and their grandparents. On days off from school, my dad is the first person I call, and my in-laws are always welcome. Now that my son has a cell phone, he even texts his grandparents, which helps build their own connection without needing to go through me.
Despite his age, my superhero dad is still more active than most people I know, so I believe there’s still time for our kids to form those special bonds. My grandmother also knows my children, a remarkable feat considering she has 16 great-grandkids! They’re setting fantastic examples for our family. Who knows? Maybe our kids will start having their own kids early enough for us to be part of those lives.
Further Reading
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Conclusion
In summary, while the trend of delaying parenthood may lead to a grandparent deficit, it’s crucial to maintain strong relationships between our kids and their grandparents. By making an effort, we can ensure that future generations share the love and wisdom of their elders, even if we start this journey a little later in life.