Every time I step into Abercrombie & Fitch, I get the same chirpy question from one of the many well-groomed, plaid-clad sales associates. While this snappy greeting might resonate perfectly between two 19-year-olds, it feels a bit out of place when it’s between a hipster rocking skinny jeans and a mom in yoga pants who’s clearly past her prime. He knows it, I know it, and my perpetually mortified teens definitely know it.
To ease the tension, I usually go with a cool comeback: “Um… not much.” But honestly, there are tons of other responses I’d love to throw out there. Here are some ideas that might get a chuckle:
- Well, I have a front wedgie, I’m running late to Zumba, and I need to book a mammogram. What’s new with you?
- Ever since I upped my fiber intake, things have been really exciting!
- Where’s your “plus size” section?
- I’ll have a gin and tonic with a twist of lime, please!
- Are you as disappointed as I am about Zayn leaving One Direction?
- Late on that electric bill again?
- LOL! Talk to you later!
- Could you crank the music up? I can’t feel the bass in my left kidney!
- Why are you all up in my personal space?
- Any tips on where to find some strong-smelling cheap cologne?
- …and where are your mom jeans, by the way?
- Aren’t you going to check my ID?
- Does this hoodie come in adult sizes, or is it just for kids?
- I’d love to browse, but I left my guide dog at home.
- Looks like you’ve got a lot of cool styles in here, for sure!
- Did you see Downton Abbey last night? Things are getting wild!
- Want some help folding those shirts? That pile is a little messy!
- Sorry, but I’m taken!
- ACTIVIAAAAAA!
- What’s your vote: Toyota Sienna or Honda Odyssey?
- “If I could turn back time… if I could find a way!”
- 1996 called; it wants its flannel back. Oh wait, never mind.
- Hold on, I’m searching for my Groupon. I know it’s around here somewhere!
- I think I dated your dad back in high school… or maybe we just got tipsy and hooked up. I can’t recall.
- Do you mean “What’s up?” Because “That’s what she said!”
Originally published on April 28, 2015, this piece captures the humor in those awkward retail interactions we all experience. For more insights, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re curious about at-home options, Cryobaby’s Insemination Kit is a great place to start.
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Summary
Navigating the retail world can be hilarious, especially when faced with overly enthusiastic salespeople. This lighthearted article offers a collection of witty comebacks to the classic question, “What’s going on?” at Abercrombie & Fitch. From humorous personal anecdotes to playful jabs, these responses turn an awkward moment into an opportunity for laughter.