You know those moments when you just get stuck in a loop of “why me?” I’ve had my fair share of those, especially when I reflect on my marriage. Why did it end? Statistically, it seemed impossible! We dated for three years, got engaged, and I waited until I was 27 to tie the knot. I had my first child at 31. We were educated and had solid careers. All the indicators said we should have beaten the odds. But here I am, not just a statistic, but a reality of divorce.
They say around 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, but in my circle? I was the only one! I felt like a lonely island in a sea of upper-middle-class couples. Okay, so my marriage didn’t work out. Life happens, right? But then, enter the angry ex. I hear stories of ex-husbands who go above and beyond for their kids, helping with everything from school projects to birthday parties. Meanwhile, my ex won’t even look in my direction and has made it his mission to complicate my life. Why me?
This spirals into self-blame. What did I do wrong? Did I take a wrong turn somewhere? Am I to blame for this mess? The truth is, we all have our flaws. We’re human, and we mess up—daily! There’s no magic pill to stop being human, trust me, I’ve searched high and low.
What I’ve discovered is that I need radical self-love, self-forgiveness, and self-acceptance. They say if you want something, give it away freely. So when the “why me?” thoughts creep in, I try to focus on forgiving my ex. It sounds odd, I know, but if I need forgiveness, I might as well start by giving it.
And it’s not just him. I think about all the relationships that faded during my divorce—the friends who turned away, the neighbors who took sides, those who judged without knowing the whole story. I try to forgive them too. They’re just as human as I am.
The lessons I’ve learned through this experience are transformative. I’m a better person than I ever was during my marriage—more patient, kinder, and stronger than before. When I remind myself of this growth, I shift from “why me?” to “why not me?” I deserve this newfound strength. I’ve worked hard to get here, shedding the armor I wore to survive.
It’s a radical shift in perspective, and it takes practice. Every time I hear the “why me” echo in my head, I consciously replace it with “why not me?” And I realize just how lucky I am to be alive and thriving.
Because I deserve happiness. I deserve a life filled with love. I’ve walked through the fire, and I get to emerge stronger, with all that no longer serves me burned away. This goes for everyone—we all deserve that shift in perspective and the chance to thrive.
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In summary, by letting go of “why me?” and embracing “why not me?”, I’ve discovered a life of growth and resilience.