There’s an ongoing, unspoken rivalry in the world of childbirth. Many women believe their approach is the ultimate one, while those who choose differently are seen as misguided. This judgment can plunge new mothers into feelings of shame, defensiveness, or even depression. Instead of basking in the glory of bringing new life into the world, they often feel like they’ve betrayed their peers who tout certain birthing methods.
Let’s be real: every woman who gives birth deserves to feel like a goddess, regardless of whether they opted for medication, technology, or assistance from specialists. Recently, a friend of mine, Jenna, revealed that after months of promoting her intention for a natural birth, she ended up getting an epidural. The gossip that ensued was downright shocking. People were outraged!
“Wait, she lied about having a natural birth? I went through the pain, how could she claim otherwise?”
“She probably had a c-section but is too embarrassed to admit it.”
“I can’t even look at her baby’s astrological chart now; the epidural surely messed it up.”
I couldn’t believe my ears! What difference did it make to me if she had an epidural? I would have been thrilled as long as both she and her baby were healthy. What troubled me was that Jenna felt compelled to hide her decision.
When I spoke to her, my heart sank. She had been overwhelmed by pressure from our community, which idolizes natural home births, making her feel like she’d committed a crime by opting for a medicated delivery in a hospital. She decided on the epidural well before labor, feeling it was the right choice for her, but she knew our community wouldn’t support her. Our town is all about those “give birth in the creek while your guru chants” vibes.
On the flip side, I have another friend, Lisa, who faced backlash from her “mom group” for choosing a natural home birth. In her community, the best hospital suites and top-notch anesthesiologists were the gold standard.
What Gives?
Why are we so invested in how other women choose to give birth? Opinions are like armpits; everyone has a couple, and they often stink! Imagine if we redirected that energy into encouraging pregnant women to listen to their instincts and make choices that feel right for them. We could foster a community where all birthing women feel supported and excited, no matter their decisions.
If a woman feels empowered to choose an epidural, she might find the relaxation to shorten her labor. If another woman decides to have a home birth, she could experience a blissful delivery. And for the mom who opts for a scheduled c-section because the thought of a breech birth terrifies her, she may enjoy a smoother recovery.
We’re all uniquely beautiful—why shouldn’t our birthing journeys reflect that? As a childbirth educator and doula who has seen a wide spectrum of birthing choices, I can say that the women who thrived were those who embraced their instincts and stood firm in their decisions. Some had creek births, others had epidurals, and some scheduled their births around ceramics class. What united them was their belief that they were making choices that resonated with their personal experiences.
My hope is that every woman can own her birth story with pride and receive support, love, and encouragement from fellow mothers. And those with stinky opinions? They can keep that to themselves. For more insights into navigating pregnancy and childbirth, check out resources like Resolve which offers excellent guidance.
In summary, let’s celebrate the diversity of birth experiences and create a culture of support where every woman can feel like the rock star she truly is.