When I was expecting my second little one, I found myself on a mission to discover the ultimate double stroller. Rather than tapping into the wisdom I should have gained from my first two years as a mom, I became embarrassingly fixated on this pursuit.
To me, the term “perfect” had a specific meaning. I envisioned a stroller that was sturdy enough for long strolls yet light enough for easy car loading. It should have a decent cup holder, adjustable handles, a user-friendly basket, quality wheels, and, of course, not cost as much as a week-long getaway in Hawaii. I had managed to dodge the pricey Bugaboo with my first child, and I was determined to resist the allure of the “Mercedes” of strollers with my second child. That was the one perspective I held onto.
Of course, the perfect double stroller was a myth. I was aware that even single strollers came with their own set of compromises, but I conveniently ignored that fact. Many friends shared their own regrets about their stroller choices: flimsy baskets, oversized wheels that took up all the trunk space, and complicated mechanisms that required advanced engineering degrees to operate. Still, most people settled for their selections and carried on with life.
Despite knowing all of this, I poured endless hours into reading double stroller reviews online, turning it into a time-consuming and somewhat ridiculous “hobby.” Ultimately, we ended up with two different double strollers: a heavy, bulky one for walks that we acquired from friends and a light, budget-friendly one for the car. Both were just okay—far from perfect—much like the two single strollers we had for various occasions. Yes, that amounts to four strollers, which would typically be a source of shame, except we ended up having two more kids, who put all four models to good use.
But don’t worry—I’ve said all I need to about strollers. Over time, I realized that my intense focus on finding the perfect stroller was really about my struggle to cope with the changes coming our way. Transitioning from one child to two was overwhelming, and I felt unprepared. If I was barely managing with one child, how could I handle two?
To be completely honest, there was more to it than just self-doubt. I think my obsession stemmed from feelings of loneliness and boredom. After my first child was born, I stepped away from teaching and hadn’t yet begun writing. My social life was lacking, and I didn’t have the confidence I do now, which has taught me that my kids primarily need a mom who is engaged in their lives and her own. They didn’t require a flawless mom obsessed with finding the perfect stroller, school supplies, or nursery paint color. I was fretting over trivial matters, believing that acquiring the right products would somehow impact our lives significantly.
Now, I experience fewer “stroller moments”—a term my husband and I use to describe when I’ve moved from rational decision-making to needless obsession. We have other code words for when he needs to regain perspective. It’s a helpful tool that allows me to regain control when I find myself spiraling into overthinking.
These days, my “stroller moments” tend to revolve around relationships and my writing career, but the root problem remains the same: a false sense of control. Why is cousin Jenna still upset with me? Why hasn’t that editor replied to my email?
“Is this the double stroller dilemma all over again?” I might ask my husband. His expression usually tells me all I need to know before the question is even out of my mouth.
Someday, I’ll probably help my kids come up with their own code words. However, given their youth—and thank goodness, their health—they deserve to enjoy their innocence a little longer.
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In summary, my journey to find the perfect stroller revealed a deeper quest for control amid the chaos of impending motherhood. Although I’ve learned to navigate these feelings better, I still find myself occasionally caught up in the same cycle of worry, but at least now I have the tools to recognize it.