It ranks right up there with death and divorce in the realm of family trauma. The initial chaos is swift and overwhelming, uprooting your household’s tranquility like a tornado hitting a trailer park.
Stuffed animals will meet their untimely demise. Your washing machine may just explode from overuse. And let’s be honest, parents are likely to lose their minds. But once the dust settles, there’s a lingering aftermath, which I like to call PTLD—Post-Traumatic Lice Disorder. Unfortunately, there’s no known remedy.
Five years ago, my daughter returned home from school with a ferocious case of head lice. The kicker? I didn’t realize it for weeks. In my defense, she has thick, wavy hair cascading down to her waist, making it nearly impossible to spot anything unusual. Plus, I’m over 40 (where did I leave my reading glasses?). I was blissfully unaware until that fateful day I decided to dry her hair with a blow dryer, and I was bombarded by an army of bugs flying out in panic.
What followed was a nightmarish six weeks of snipping her hair to chin length, washing every piece of bedding in hot bleach daily, steam cleaning furniture, suffocating beloved toys in garbage bags, applying a mix of chemical and “natural” treatments, enduring endless combing sessions, and checking everyone’s hair daily. Sleep? Forget it! I lay awake imagining bugs crawling through my own scalp. (And are you itching yet?)
But what I didn’t foresee was the long-term impact of Post-Traumatic Lice Disorder. Years later, I still spot phantom bugs and take all possible precautions to keep them at bay. Some may call it obsessive, but I prefer to think of it as taking my lice prevention game to the next level. Here are some tactics I’ve adopted:
Mandatory Hoodies
Whether catching a flick or flying on a plane, I always bring a hoodie. Who cares if it’s sweltering outside? The hoodie goes up on the seat back, ensuring no hair contacts the upholstery. Panic sets in if hoodies go out of fashion.
Public Seating
You can’t always predict when you’ll encounter upholstered furniture, and sometimes you forget your hoodie. In those moments, I sit up straight, avoiding contact like it’s a game of dodgeball. If someone suggests relaxing, I channel my inner Jane Austen and stick to proper Victorian posture.
Coat and Backpack Segregation
Think about your kids’ classrooms or P.E. classes. Their bags often end up in a heap, and I can only imagine the bugs happily playing tag in that pile. I’ve drilled it into my kids to keep their coats and backpacks away from the chaos.
Preventive Products
There’s a line of natural hair products called Fairy Tales that claims to ward off future lice encounters. They smell divine and leave hair soft. Who knows if it truly works, but why take chances with the lice gods?
Trying on Hats
This is a risky endeavor. When you or your child tries on a hat in a store, remember that hundreds of heads have been there before you. You’re not just trying on a hat; you’re stepping into a potential lice factory. Make sure to stop on the way home to buy a steam cleaner and nit comb—you’ll need them soon.
Even if friends and family are aware of your PTLD, they might not indulge your concerns. A friend casually mentioned her daughter has frequent lice issues, and I practically leaped off her couch like a rocket. My friend, whose cleaning habits are a bit more relaxed, suggested I pick up a product called Licefreee! (yes, it’s that effective). “We use it whenever we have an infestation,” she said, unfazed.
A couple of summers ago, my ex-husband took our daughter to a crowded street fair where they posed for goofy snapshots in a photo booth. The next day, I glanced at the pictures and nearly fainted—there was my daughter sporting a variety of hats from the booth. I rushed back to the store for more Licefreee!
The key takeaway after surviving a lice invasion? Perspective. It’s not the end of the world, and there are far worse things that can happen to a family. Just keep reminding yourself of that as you douse your kids’ sleeping bags with anti-lice spray before summer camp and don’t forget to pack those hoodies!
For more on navigating the chaos of family life, check out this article on home insemination kits. And if you want to learn more about effective insemination methods, Make A Mom is a great resource. For comprehensive information about pregnancy and home insemination, visit Johns Hopkins Medicine.
Summary
Post-Traumatic Lice Disorder (PTLD) can turn a family’s life upside down, leading to obsessive prevention tactics. From mandatory hoodies to public seating strategies, this humorous take on lice prevention shares practical advice for keeping those pesky bugs at bay. Remember, it’s all about perspective, and there are worse things than dealing with lice.