Every so often, you find the opportunity to swap out your comfy yoga pants and tank tops for a night of fun without the kids. However, planning an adult night out can feel like a monumental task, filled with unexpected twists and turns before you finally reach that coveted evening of freedom. Here’s a light-hearted guide through the 7 stages you’ll navigate on your quest for a child-free night.
1. The Invitation
You receive a text, a call, or even an Evite, and your immediate thought is, “Absolutely! Yes! A thousand times yes!” As you excitedly reply, your little one chooses that moment to spit up on you—because they know what you’re up to. No parent leaves their baby with a sitter, right?
2. The Sitter Search
With visions of sipping a cold margarita dancing in your head, you embark on the challenging journey of finding someone to look after your little treasures for a few hours. You start with the grandparents, but they’re all busy at a disco night at Del Boca Vista (Phase III). Next, you think about local high schoolers, but they’re all booked. After exhausting your options, you even consider the pizza delivery guy from last week. After all, he survived the chaos of your toddler’s Nerf attack—maybe he can handle a few hours of babysitting too?
3. The Acceptance
When you finally get back to the hostess to confirm your attendance, you can only hope that her sitter hasn’t canceled. You also wonder if she genuinely wanted you there—after all, your life has been pretty mundane lately. So, you dive into some trending New York Times Bestsellers in hopes of having something more interesting to chat about than diaper mishaps. You manage to read one chapter before resorting to Wikipedia.
4. Choosing an Outfit
Opening your closet reveals a sea of maternity wear or workout clothes you never wear. A trip to Target ensues, where you hunt for that perfect shirt that hides your post-baby belly while enhancing your assets. Just as you find “the one,” your baby decides to christen it with a spit-up in the fitting room. You still buy it, along with a bottle of OxiClean—because why not?
5. House Preparation
The day of the big night arrives, and you spend it scrubbing your home as if a magazine crew is coming to shoot. You don’t want the pizza guy thinking this is your everyday living situation! A back injury from mopping is ignored as you pour yourself a glass of wine—because your mental sanity is a priority, even if your body disagrees.
6. Getting the Kids Ready
You pull out all the board games you secretly detest, stock up on junk food, and queue up every episode of Spongebob you can find. You reassure yourself that if you’re not there to witness the chaos, it’s as if it didn’t happen. Tomorrow, it’s back to organic veggies and gluten-free snacks; tonight is for margaritas with extra salt.
7. Preparing Your Partner
You remind your spouse that he’s a grown man and can get himself dressed. Plus, if he plays his cards right, he might get to undress you later. You push thoughts of your post-baby body out of your mind and make a mental note to join a gym on Monday.
Finally, it’s time to escape! After dodging your screaming kids as if you’re in a high-stakes action movie, you realize that all this prep has left you too tired to engage in meaningful conversation. You and your partner opt for drive-thru tacos and a bottle of tequila instead. You park a few houses away and enjoy your meal in silence, sharing swigs from the bottle. When you return home at 10:30, you find the kids are still awake, and the pizza guy is snoozing in your recliner. Ah well, at least you don’t have to drive him home.
In summary, planning an adult night out can be a hilarious journey filled with challenges, from securing a sitter to getting ready. Although it may feel exhausting, the moments of freedom and fun are worth every effort. For more insights on home insemination and pregnancy, check out excellent resources like NHS and Make a Mom.