- If there’s a ranking for awkward situations, middle school dances would firmly sit in third place, right after OBGYN visits and funeral gatherings. Think about it: minimal eye contact, an abundance of silence, and a universal desire to escape.
- The hoodie continues to reign supreme as the most adaptable piece of clothing ever. Each boy at the dance demonstrated that this garment effortlessly transitions from classroom wear, to sports jersey, formal attire, winter coat, and even sleepwear. I also discovered that a hoodie can serve as a whip, a tissue, and a sponge.
- By the seventh grade, spotting a future frat boy is a piece of cake. These characters are loud, silly, and always surrounded by a group of admirers, concocting plans that usually revolve around food, bodily functions, and a dash of reckless behavior.
- When it comes to fashion, skimpy seems to be the new black. A surprising number of middle school girls are taking their grandmothers’ advice to heart: “Why not dress like you’re auditioning for a music video?” Meanwhile, some girls opted for adorable, age-appropriate dresses. The fashion spectrum was so wide it felt like a mix of a family from a reality show crashing a glamorous party.
- Say goodbye to fruit platters—middle school has officially declared them extinct. After years of serving healthy snacks at elementary school events, the shift to sugary treats is swift and decisive. I imagine party planning conversations going something like this:
“Remember those healthy snacks we used to serve?”
“Yeah, that was a drag.”
“Let’s just go with Mountain Dew and Skittles!”
“Sounds perfect to me!”
And just like that, the nutritious snacks are out the door. - At a middle school dance, it turns out there’s very little actual dancing. I witnessed plenty of movement, but it mostly consisted of aimless wandering, chaotic mosh pits, running, jumping, and the occasional awkward flailing. It’s fascinating how these kids can be shy when speaking to one another, yet throw themselves into a dance floor frenzy without a second thought. Sounds a lot like marriage dynamics too, doesn’t it?
- Moms in their 40s and pre-teens share an unexpected bond. After leaving the dance, I pondered why there’s often tension between them. Perhaps it’s because both groups are navigating their own awkward transitions. As Britney Spears famously said, a pre-teen is “not a girl, not yet a woman.” Moms, too, find themselves in a similar limbo—“not a hipster, not yet a grandma.” We’re all moody, look like we rolled out of bed, and often feel unheard, leading to eye rolls all around.
- The inventive nature of a 12-year-old boy should never be underestimated. Near the end of the event, chaos erupted around the boys’ restroom with the announcement, “There’s a poop on the floor!” Trust me, nothing prepares you for that revelation as a chaperone. The identity of the mystery pooper remained a secret, but it was a surefire way to clear out the party quickly.
- The future is undeniably bright. And by bright, I mean a vivid orange—Cheetos orange, to be precise. Most kids were sporting neon-colored braces accented with fluorescent wires, and many wore bright athletic gear. It was like a room full of human highlighters, ready to set the world ablaze. As I scanned the crowd, I wondered who among them would rise as a future leader. Would it be the Mountain Dew enthusiast showcasing his underarm “talents”? Or the girl resembling Selena Gomez busting out her best dance moves? Tough call, but my bet is on the phantom pooper.
In conclusion, chaperoning a middle school dance is a unique experience packed with laughs, surprises, and a healthy dose of nostalgia for those awkward teenage years. If you want to learn more about parenting and navigating life’s transitions, check out this insightful post on home insemination kits or this resource on pregnancy. You might also find advice on your fertility journey at Make a Mom.