You Know You’re a Parent When…

1. Get Pregnant Fast

   Remember when wristbands were your ticket into clubs? Now they’re your access pass to petting zoos. I recently attended a birthday party at one for a three-year-old, and it was a blast! Later, my parents were like, “Wait, were those wristbands for ragers?” Yes, my friends, they were for a petting zoo. We’re living the wild life!

2. Dinner at 5:30 p.m. has become your new favorite pastime. Who would have thought that the hours from 5 to 7 p.m. would be the busiest at family-friendly restaurants? We can’t get enough of early dinners with other parents and their little ones — chaos and fun rolled into one!

3. You can’t help but feel a pang of guilt over the mess you leave behind at those dinners. As we exit the restaurant, we keep our heads down and avoid eye contact. Having worked in the service industry, I know the staff isn’t thrilled about the aftermath of crumbs and chaos. Guilt level: off the charts.

4. Happy Hour is now more accurately described as Crappy Hour. I borrowed this clever term from a fellow mom at a recent meetup. Seriously, can I get a collective sigh from parents about the madness of 5 to 7 p.m. on weeknights? Where are you, partner? Where is bedtime?! But worry not, just a few more minutes ‘til couch time with ice cream and some light binge-watching!

5. Your Netflix recommendations have taken a nosedive thanks to your kids’ preferences. It’s a sad day when your once-cool viewing history is now filled with shows like Barney and Thomas the Train. Even Netflix knows I’ve lost my cool factor.

6. You’ve become an expert at locating every elevator and ramp in public places. Who knew that accessibility laws were so extensive? Thanks to my trusty stroller, I can navigate the ins and outs of every major mall in town. Elevators and ramps are now my best friends.

7. When your child loses a favorite toy, you turn into a superhero on a mission. Whether it’s a doll or a stuffed animal, you’ll sprint back to find that beloved item. In our home, “Cindy,” the mini-Cinderella, is practically family. Losing her? Not an option.

8. Your home decor now features a delightful mix of clutter and colorful toys. Swing sets, play mats, and a collection of toys have taken over every corner of your living space. If your house looks like a toy explosion, let’s be friends!

9. You’ve rediscovered the joy of classic kid foods like chicken fingers and grilled cheese. Honestly, these dishes are incredible! And don’t even get me started on mac ‘n cheese and PB&J — those calories definitely don’t count if they’re just from stealing bites from your kid’s plate!

10. A trip to the dentist feels like a day at the spa. I used to dread my dental appointments, but now that I have a sitter for the kids, I relish that blissful hour of solitude. Just me, lying back in the chair, soaking in some peace and quiet. If only the hygienist would stop chatting!

11. You’ve tasted amoxicillin within the last year and, let’s be honest, it’s not that bad. Right? No? Me neither…

12. You’ve come to realize that intense love and frustration can coexist, sometimes in the same breath. Kids are wonderfully chaotic little beings. #soinlove #sendhelp

13. You love your kids so much that, at times, you consider waking them up just to cuddle. It’s 11 p.m., and you find yourself thinking, “I miss her! Should we wake her up?” Such thoughts are utterly ridiculous, yet they cross your mind all too often.

14. You’ve officially joined an elite club that feels pretty amazing. The camaraderie of parenthood surpasses any sorority experience, as you share knowing glances with fellow parents. You’ve all survived sleepless nights, diaper disasters, and the many challenges of raising tiny humans.

15. You finally understand the sacrifices your parents made for you. Just, wow. Thanks, Mom and Dad. You deserve all the appreciation.

In summary, being a parent is an adventure full of unique experiences and shared struggles that connect you with fellow moms and dads. From the chaos of daily life to the sweet moments of love, it’s a journey like no other. If you want to dive deeper into parenting topics, check out this insightful post on Cervical Insemination. And if you’re considering home insemination, I recommend visiting Make A Mom, a reliable online retailer for at-home insemination kits. Lastly, for more information on IVF and genetics, Genetics and IVF Institute is a fantastic resource.