Is it just me, or does turning 43 feel a lot like being back in middle school? I recently shared my concerns about my sixth-grade daughter navigating the tricky waters of adolescence, and it struck me how much I’m wrestling with my own sense of belonging during this stage of life. Whether I’m projecting her feelings onto myself or vice versa, I can’t shake the nagging uncertainty about where I fit in, much like I did at 12.
My early middle school years were a bit of a nightmare filled with loneliness and awkwardness. Thankfully, I managed to transition to high school without too much drama. At my all-girls school, we seemed to have sorted out most of our social cliques by 9th grade, and the ones who were less than happy often left for other schools. While I faced my fair share of friendship hurdles in high school, I was fortunate to have a tight-knit group of friends who supported each other through thick and thin.
College was a delightful surprise—a friendship bonanza! Surrounded by like-minded individuals, I thrived. My singing group, musical theater pals, and roommates brought immense joy into my life. Though my romantic life was a rollercoaster, my friends were the anchors that kept me steady. Even now, I cherish the memories of those college connections.
Unfortunately, after graduation, my closest friends dispersed across the country for jobs and family commitments. While social media helps maintain some connections, it can’t replicate the joy of in-person conversations and shared laughter. The rare weekends we spend together or lunches snuck into busy schedules are some of my fondest memories from the last two decades.
Some folks prioritize wealth or status; I find my greatest satisfaction in the friendships I cultivate. My family is my heart, but my friendships are equally important. I thrive in a large circle of good friends, and I’m always looking to expand that circle.
Of course, there’s a hint of vanity in how much I value these connections. Perhaps it stems from insecurity, as I often seek validation from others. As a stay-at-home parent and writer, my friendships have become vital, especially now in my forties. It’s disheartening to recognize the resurfacing insecurities from my past.
When your child steps into middle school, the connections you’ve built with other parents can start to stretch. These friendships mirror the ups and downs your kids experience, and the digital age amplifies everything. When my daughter texts me about a mean classmate, it inevitably impacts my relationship with that child’s parents. Navigating these dynamics is far from simple.
As my child’s social circle evolves, I feel the distance growing—much like those playdates that once filled our calendar. In just two years, I’ve gone from knowing every family in her grade to feeling like a stranger among many. It’s no wonder I feel adrift.
Recently, I’ve had unexpected conflicts with friends that have left me more rattled than they should. I’ve caught myself feeling envious of social events I see online—it’s like I’m back in those middle school hallways, feeling left out. Am I really experiencing a second dose of those awkward years?
To ground myself, I reach out to my solid friendships, even if it means bridging time zones. I also cherish new friendships that don’t revolve around parenting; it’s refreshing to connect without the baggage of school-related drama. As my own children’s social lives become more complex, I find solace in keeping my adult friendships uncomplicated.
Most importantly, I remind myself that this phase is temporary. Just as I reassure my daughter, I too hope to find my footing again soon. I’m more than ready to leave those middle school vibes behind for good.
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Summary:
Navigating friendships in midlife can feel strikingly similar to the challenges of middle school. The author reflects on their past experiences and current struggles as a parent, while recognizing the vital role friendships play in their life. As they grapple with feelings of insecurity and distance, they also find hope in nurturing their connections and moving past the challenges of adolescence—both for themselves and their children.