Updated: Feb. 26, 2016
Originally Published: April 6, 2015
Enough with always feeling like we’re in a race against time.
Enough with the never-ending laundry piles.
Enough with those fundraisers that just lead to more fundraisers.
Enough with the confusion about how turn lanes work.
Enough with Evites and the follow-up emails asking, “Did you see the Evite?”
Enough with juggling 11 browser tabs at once (not at bars, mind you).
Enough with shaming, and yes, enough with shaming the shamers.
Enough with outrageous shipping costs.
Enough with overused cowbells in songs.
Enough already!
Oh boy, I’m feeling cranky. It seems like everything around us demands we hurry, hurry, hurry! There’s no pause button, even on a sunny Sunday morning when I’m trying to enjoy a new book on my porch. Instead, there’s this gnawing feeling that I should be somewhere, doing something. It’s as if there’s always a deadline looming, or something misplaced that needs to be found. It feels like there’s always something to do, and I’m either failing at it or trying to ignore it entirely. But who exactly is judging me?
The answer? Probably no one at all. This relentless feeling of inadequacy, of being perpetually behind, and the guilt that washes over me when I dare to slow down, is often self-inflicted.
Enough!
I could write an extensive piece on why women feel this way. I could explore societal expectations and gender roles, discuss the self-imposed pressures we all face, and even analyze who we think we’re competing against. There’s plenty to say about the culture of comparison that makes us feel like we’re constantly being evaluated by everyone around us. I could tweet about the fact that there’s no such thing as a perfect mom, a perfect wife, or a perfect person fitting into the perfect life routine. Yet, these messages flood our feeds every single day.
Even with countless encouraging articles reminding us that we don’t need to do it all, there’s still that nagging feeling that perfection—or at least some satisfaction with my efforts—is within reach. Perhaps if the kids could just get in the car a little quicker, or if I could stop forgetting the laundry detergent. If only the electric bill could find its way into the right Gmail folder. If, if, if…
Enough!
Over the weekend, I took the kids to a neighborhood Easter party where I felt completely frazzled. The kids enjoyed themselves, but I felt like I was under a microscope. As the oldest parent on the scene, I wasn’t filming every moment or fussing over chocolate smeared on their faces. I was so relieved at how far we’ve come in our parenting journey, yet I suddenly realized I’m now the mom of older kids, the one who younger parents might eye with scrutiny.
But what I want to scream to those new moms is that I am still in tune with my kids’ every move. I do worry about them bouncing around in the inflatable castle. And then I catch myself wondering if the side-eye I think I see from those parents is actually envy. Or maybe it’s nothing at all. Perhaps they’re simply lost in their own thoughts, wondering, “Why is my kid the one causing a scene?” or “How do I escape this party without a mess?”
Those fleeting glances don’t equal judgment, and it’s a bit shameful that my first instinct is to think so.
Enough!
As we walked back home from the party, my 6-year-old trailed behind, as usual. I felt my impatience bubbling up when he suddenly stopped, grinning and holding a tiny leaf that had a rollie pollie perched on it. “I gotta keep him safe,” he said. “He’s so little, I might not find him again if he falls.”
In that moment, I was reminded of something crucial that often evades me: Every moment isn’t just a countdown to the next. Each moment exists just as it is, without the pressure of being on display.
Enough with feeling like we’re not enough. Sometimes, the most valuable part of our day is taking the time to notice the little things, because they can be hard to find again.
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Summary: Parenting can feel overwhelmingly stressful, with societal pressures and self-imposed expectations leading to constant feelings of inadequacy. It’s important to take a step back, appreciate the small moments, and realize that every day doesn’t have to be a race. Embracing imperfection can lead to a more fulfilling parenting experience.