When we were deep in the challenges of potty-training our first child, friends came to visit from out of town. They were new parents with one adorable baby, as cute as can be. The dad, a dear friend, had recently watched a Dr. Phil episode about potty training in just one weekend. With all sincerity, he said, “Just do X, Y, and Z, and she’ll be fully potty-trained by Monday!” Ha! As if we hadn’t already attempted X, Y, and Z. In fact, we had tried every letter of the alphabet and then some.
Every parent knows the frustration of receiving parenting advice from those without kids. It’s truly astonishing that people feel qualified to offer guidance without first-hand experience. I sincerely hope I never gave unsolicited parenting tips during my childless days. If I did, feel free to retroactively give me a gentle slap.
Equally irritating, though, is advice from those who are parents but have only one perfect child under the age of three. I refer to these parents as POOPCUPs: Parents Of One Perfect Child Under Preschool-age. POOPCUPs, bless their hearts, are often filled with misguided confidence. Our well-meaning friend with his sweet little one was a POOPCUP, and I likely was one too—maybe even the president of the POOPCUP club.
Firstborns tend to be viewed as little angels, at least by their parents. This charming illusion often leads us to consider having more children. They are adorable, shower us with love, and before they hit the age of three, they can trick us into believing we’re excellent parents. Sure, toddlerhood can be tough. Yes, they cry inexplicably and get into everything. Some, like mine, are not the best sleepers. Yet, amidst the chaos, there are countless grins, giggles, and sweet moments.
I know some of you with toddlers are ready to lash out at me for saying this, but parenting kids under three is relatively simple. Having a baby or toddler is challenging, but the act of parenting them is straightforward. I remember thinking I was in the toughest phase of parenting with my first child. I was convinced that once I moved past toddlerhood, I’d be better prepared for the emotional roller-coaster that older kids bring. After all, I had experience as a teacher, and I thought I could handle the emotional complexities much better than the physical demands of toddlerhood.
The reason I thought this was that my child had yet to develop the combination of verbal skills and awareness that unleashes the true challenges of parenthood. Two-year-olds can express themselves, but it’s still somewhat charming. They have willpower, but they are still figuring out how to use it. It’s a bit like me trying my hand at sports; I know the theory, but my execution lacks finesse.
However, around the age of three, they begin to grasp their will and how to assert it. This, combined with their rapidly growing vocabulary, leads to what I call the Tyrannical Threes. They remain adorable, but trust me, that’s when the real work of parenting kicks in—the work I thought I was prepared for.
Oh, how naïve I was. I underestimated the emotional toll of parenting, which is just as draining as the physical demands. Somehow, it’s both emotionally and physically exhausting.
Reflecting on my time as the POOPCUP President, I recall how delightful my first child was. Yes, she had her sleepless nights, but she was a joy—bright, curious, and mostly compliant. I could have easily been the self-righteous mother, boasting about my compliant genius of a child. I still remember the day she quietly sang prayers at a meeting, and I felt like the ultimate POOPCUP.
Then came my second child, an entirely different story. At two, she decided to name her doll “Horse” without a second thought and has had an obsession with wildlife ever since. She was not the type to sit quietly at prayer meetings. Once you have more than one child, you soon realize that their personalities are innate, rather than a product of your expert parenting.
I understand the challenges faced by POOPCUPs because I was one. I get it; it can be incredibly tough to raise just one child. But let’s be real, managing multiple children is a whole different ballgame. This isn’t a judgment, just an observation.
So, if you encounter a POOPCUP, be patient. Their time will come. Let them enjoy their seemingly perfect child while they can.
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In summary, being a parent of one young child can create a false sense of expertise. While it’s easy to offer advice from a place of limited experience, true understanding comes from facing the complexities of parenting multiple children. So to all the POOPCUPs out there, enjoy your time—it won’t last forever!
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