Dear sweet boys,
There are countless lessons I want to share with you about becoming strong, respectful men who love themselves and others. While I have many important teachings for you, I want to focus on some lighter, yet equally vital, truths that will make your journey through life a bit smoother. Here we go…
- Don’t worry, your penis is not going to fall off. Trust me, protesting with it won’t change anything.
- It’s never appropriate to spread your butt cheeks and sit on someone’s face. Seriously, just don’t do it.
- Remember, toothbrushes are for brushing teeth, not for playing around with your private parts.
- Baths are way less enjoyable if you decide to pee or poop in the water.
- Speaking of which, never, and I mean never, pick up poop with your bare hands. (Unless you’re a dad someday, and it’s your child’s mess—then it’s a rite of passage. Just scrub those hands afterward!)
- Boogers belong in tissues, not in your brother’s hair or on the furniture.
- Farts are universally funny, no matter your age.
- While I love your enthusiasm when you shout “FARTIN!” at home, the outside world might not appreciate your announcements about burps and farts. Just keep that fun at home, okay?
- Lying is not acceptable—unless it’s a little white lie to protect someone, like saying, “If you touch your penis in public, it might just fall off.”
- Soap works wonders on your body, not so much on the bathtub walls.
- It’s not okay to show your penis to others. Just keep it to yourself for now.
- I get that watching pee come out is fascinating, but please don’t get so close to your brother’s crotch that you almost get sprayed. Seriously, the only pee you need to see is your own.
- I know being naked feels great, but wearing clothes in public is a must. I know, sad face.
- Enjoy your penis, but there will be times when you need to let it go. Trust me, life will be easier if you use both hands for other things every now and then.
- When you finally do pull your hands out of your pants to hold my face and tell me you love me, I can overlook where they’ve been, but your future wife might not feel the same. Let’s work on that!
- There’s a big world outside of your penis. As you grow older, it might be hard to believe, but life isn’t all about that one body part. Don’t let it define you.
- Always remember, I love you—forever and always, more than you love your own penis. Imagine that!
For more insights into parenting, check out this great resource on fertility treatments and planning for a family: March of Dimes. And if you’re curious about home insemination, you can learn more about it at Intracervical Insemination. Also, consider visiting Make a Mom for expert advice on your fertility journey.
In summary, these lessons may seem silly at times, but they’re essential for your growth and understanding of the world around you. Embrace them, and know that I’ll always be here to guide you with love.