Navigating life as a mother of a preteen girl is not for the faint-hearted. Some days, I feel like a robot, mechanically spouting the same phrases, only to be met with exaggerated sighs and eye rolls. These expressions seem to be a rite of passage that every mother imparts to her children, often received with the same indifference as the previous generation. While it’s a bit unnerving to see my daughter express her feelings so openly and frequently, it got me thinking: what if I were bold enough to say what I really mean? Here’s my attempt at that.
What I Say: “You don’t know everything.”
What I Mean: You probably know more than I do. As your mother, I thought I’d have it all figured out by now, but I’m just making it up as I go along.
What I Say: “Please be nice to your brothers; they really look up to you.”
What I Mean: Stop torturing them. Sure, they can be smelly and annoying, but they admire you. Their future relationships will be influenced by how you treat them. Let’s not create a future partner who’s bossy.
What I Say: “You can always come to me about sex.”
What I Mean: Let’s be real—I’m not great at these talks. When you were four, I called your vagina a “front butt.” When you asked how babies got in my belly, I told you I ate a bean and a baby grew (thanks a lot, Jack and the Beanstalk). I wish I had all the right answers. When you brought up condoms and said, “I know what they are because my friend told me,” I awkwardly replied, “I have way more experience with condoms than your friends.” You were right: I was super awkward.
What I Say: “Stop being so dramatic.”
What I Mean: I get it; you feel like the world is out to get you—believe me, I feel that way too sometimes. You might not ever fully control your hormones, but can we tone down the craziness a bit?
What I Say: “If you roll your eyes at me again…”
What I Mean: I might just lose it! Seriously, if I see those whites of your eyes one more time, my head might start spinning, and I’ll have to call my mom to apologize.
What I Say: “Pick up your clothes; I’m not your maid.”
What I Mean: I really wish I weren’t stuck cleaning up after you.
What I Say: “Go to your room before I say something I’ll regret.”
What I Mean: Please leave my sight so I can vent (maybe with a little finger gesture) when you’re not looking.
What I Say: “Be careful.”
What I Mean: A million things could go wrong out there, and the thought of anything happening to you terrifies me. You are my whole world, and I love you so much that it scares me to imagine life without you.
What I Say: “Stop eating so much candy.”
What I Mean: I’m concerned there won’t be enough candy left for me!
What I Say: “Boys can wait.”
What I Mean: Don’t rush into anything. Enjoy being young. Remember the story I read to you, “Chickerella,” where the characters chose business over marriage? It’s okay to focus on yourself.
What I Say: “I don’t like you hanging out with that girl.”
What I Mean: I can see trouble ahead. She might not be the best influence, and I’m guessing she was the one who told you about condoms.
What I Say: “Do your homework.”
What I Mean: Please, for the love of all that’s good, don’t ask me for help with math. I’m lost on all the new methods that popped up in the late ’90s.
What I Say: “I’m NOT going to tell you again…”
What I Mean: Let’s be honest—I’ll probably remind you at least five more times. If you actually listened the first time, you’d be amazed at how much I’d buy you instead of adding to my yoga pants collection.
In summary, parenting a preteen is a wild ride filled with mixed signals, hidden fears, and a touch of humor. It’s all about navigating the complex world of adolescence while trying to bond and maintain some semblance of understanding. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, just remember, you’re not alone in this journey!