Ah, nothing like a little travel to bring out the not-so-glamorous sides of marriage. Picture this:
“Oh no… I missed my exit!”
“What do you mean, you missed your exit?”
“I mean I missed it!”
“Are you joking?”
“Not even a little.”
“Why did you do that?”
“I was chatting with the kids.”
“Can’t you talk to the kids and keep track of directions?”
“I didn’t know it was coming up!”
“Why not ask for help?”
“Because I wasn’t lost!”
“Clearly, you were!”
It’s just ten more minutes, but somehow, it feels like a seismic shift in our relationship. And believe me, it’s not the first time. We survived this incident, eventually, but these little moments seem to pop up out of nowhere.
Lately, my partner and I have been in a near-constant state of annoyance with each other. I like to think we’re really just irritated with the little tornadoes (a.k.a. our kids) wreaking havoc in our once serene home. Often, I find myself taking a deep breath, forcing a smile through clenched teeth, and speaking gently to my children. But that irritation has to land somewhere, and unfortunately, it lands on Mark.
I still remember the days when I eagerly awaited my husband’s return home, counting down the seconds until I could see him. Now, when he walks through the door, I think, “Yay! My partner in chaos is here!” But then he wants to do things like take off his shoes, change clothes, and use the bathroom.
The other day, my daughter asked, “Mom, isn’t it funny that Dad’s an adult, but you tell him how long he can stay in the bathroom?” No, Zoe, I find that deeply concerning.
And it seems like Mark isn’t too thrilled with me either. I have my moments of snapping. I can be a bit controlling, irrational, and emotional. Honestly, there are days I’m not sure I even like myself. Right now, my goal is survival—just hoping to get through these years until the kids are all in school, wiping their own noses and understanding why not to run into traffic. If I can make it that far, maybe I can work on becoming a more enjoyable person.
For now, I’m grateful that he’s still around at the end of the day. In this chaotic season of little ones, we’re sticking together. I’ve come to realize that every relationship has its seasons, and marriage is no exception.
I used to think that how we felt in any moment was the way it would be forever. If we weren’t on the same wavelength, I believed we never would be. If I felt unhappy today, I thought that happiness was a thing of the past.
When we moved to Budapest, it felt like we were living in entirely different realities. His was the blissful one; mine, not so much. At night, there felt like an invisible wall between us. Sure, we could touch, but crossing that barrier? Impossible.
I can’t pinpoint when that wall came crashing down; it wasn’t a single event or a grand revelation. It happened gradually, and one day I realized it had vanished. We had moved through another season together.
Now, I try to manage my emotions and my tendency to overreact. I remind myself that this current phase is just a season—one filled with joys, pains, and challenges, but one that will also pass. When I view it this way, I can savor the lovely moments a bit more, knowing they won’t last forever, and hunker down during the tough times with the understanding that they, too, will eventually fade.
Perhaps not disappear completely, but pass. These tough seasons are likely the ones we’ll look back on with the most fondness and pride. “I can’t believe we survived the toddler years,” he’ll chuckle as we relax on the porch. “Or that move to Budapest,” I’ll reply, tightening my scarf around my neck (because in my happy future thoughts, it’s always Fall). But we’ll be grateful for the journey.
My understanding of love has evolved over the years and will likely continue to do so. I believe love remains constant, but my comprehension of it shifts. Nowadays, I think of love as that comforting presence at the end of the day—even when we’ve barely tolerated each other. We’re in this together, through the chaos and the calm. It may not be what I envisioned before marriage, but somehow it’s even more beautiful. And right now, in this season of little ones, it’s more than enough.
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In summary, marriage has its ups and downs, much like the seasons of life. Embracing each phase, whether joyous or challenging, is key to navigating this journey together.