It’s been eight weeks since my partner and I added a new little bundle of joy to our family. As our fourth child, that’s just enough time to shake off the newborn haze and start adjusting to our new normal. But it’s also given me space to ponder the significance of this being our last baby—she truly is our little bonus.
When I imagined our family, I always pictured three kids. I mentally prepared for three college tuitions, figured out how we’d juggle three kids in various activities, and even chose our house partly because it had a shared room for the two siblings of the same gender. Three was our magic number—until we were blessed with a fourth.
I absolutely adore our newest addition; however, she was a bit of a surprise. So, as soon as we learned she was on the way, my partner took the plunge and got snipped, ensuring we wouldn’t face any more surprises in the future. We entered her babyhood with the full knowledge that this would be it, which makes it all the more surprising that I’m struggling to accept that she’s the last.
She’s the last one whose tiny kicks I’ll feel from within, the last baby I’ll inhale that sweet milky scent during late-night feedings. She’s the last little one I’ll carry snugly in my Moby wrap, the last to grow from a squishy baby blob into a full-fledged human being.
Our oldest is still young, so we have plenty of firsts awaiting us. We haven’t sent a child off to high school or dealt with first crushes yet. Those milestone moments like first kisses and breakups are still on the horizon. College, weddings, and grandchildren seem so far away that I can hardly wrap my head around them right now. Yet, this is also the end of firsts.
The last first smile. The last first words. The last first steps.
I knew this day would eventually come; we can’t keep having babies forever. But I always thought that when I arrived at this point, I would feel a sense of completion. Instead, I can easily envision a couple more giggles and smiles in our home. If logistics, finances, and health weren’t an issue, I’d be tempted to keep having babies indefinitely. But that’s not the reality, so here we are.
After this little one, we’ll say goodbye to the crib and high chair. Bottles, sippy cups, and tummy time mats will be stored away for good. She’ll be the last to ride in a stroller, the last to require a car seat, and the last to head off to school.
This little girl is ushering us into the next chapter of our lives. Big changes are ahead as she grows up. Soon enough, we’ll experience a life without diapers, a time when everyone can put on their own shoes and hop into the car. Eventually, there will come a day when all of them are in school, and even further down the line, a time when they won’t need us as much.
While my mind knows this is the right choice for our family, my heart is still catching up. So here I am, shedding tears over this bittersweet ending. Although we’re at the beginning of her life, we’re also closing a chapter. Her firsts mark our lasts, and the conclusion of such a beautiful journey is undeniably sad.
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Summary: The author reflects on the bittersweet experience of welcoming their fourth and final baby. While they cherish their new addition, they grapple with the emotions of closing a chapter in their family life, realizing that the first milestones of this child will also be the last for them as parents.