Dear Kids,
Each week, at least one of you reaches out to request an early pickup from school. The reasons vary widely—from feeling unwell to simply not enjoying your day. Despite my clear guidelines, there seems to be some confusion. So, I’ve decided to put together this handy letter to clarify what constitutes a legitimate reason for an early exit. Pay close attention!
- Blood – We’re talking about a serious, gushing type of blood here. If a simple Band-Aid (or four) can handle it, don’t even think about calling. You’ll need to be in such a critical state that an ambulance is involved for me to come to your rescue.
- Severe Cuts – Not just any cut will do; I’m referring to something that has actually impaled you and is still embedded in your body. If it’s not larger than a baseball, you’re not getting picked up.
- Vomiting – You must be completely drenched in vomit or have made a mess in front of a teacher for me to consider leaving the comfort of my home. I’ve told you countless times to use the toilet; any rumors of nausea won’t cut it.
- Headaches – The only way I’m coming to get you for a headache is if your head has been literally split in two or you have a nail sticking out of your skull.
- Injuries – Please don’t call me to complain about any aches and pains. If a bone isn’t protruding through your skin, I’ll wish you well but won’t be leaving my couch.
- Earaches – No chance.
- Forgotten Lunch – If you forget your lunch, eat what’s available at school. I’m not your delivery service, regardless of your dietary preferences.
- Stomachaches – The likelihood of me picking you up for a tummy ache is about as high as me deciding to wrestle a bear with a garden hose. If I can’t see clear symptoms (like a fever), you’re staying put.
- Sore Throat – Get a drink of water and head back to class.
- Bug Bites – Unless you’re swelling up like a balloon, don’t bother calling about itchiness. Mark that bite with an X and move on.
I think it’s important to mention that while you’re at school, I’m busy with my own activities (like napping or catching up on my favorite shows). There’s no room in my schedule for “I’m bored” chats while you watch cartoons.
Enjoy your time at school, and I’ll see you at the regular pickup time—no exceptions!
Love,
Mom