Last month, my husband underwent a vasectomy. Yes, he really did! He’s planning to shoot blanks from now on, and honestly, I’m totally on board with it. While I waited in the clinic’s waiting area for his “surgery” (which is just a minor outpatient procedure that I’ve been nudging him to schedule for a year), I experienced a whirlwind of emotions that could have qualified me for a mental health evaluation. I mean, the thought of no more newborn snuggles is a lot to take in! Sure, I’m done with the whole pushing-humans-out-of-my-body experience, but I also have a soft spot for babies. So, here are my thoughts:
- Finally! Seriously, could he have taken any longer to make this appointment? I’ve been pestering him to call the doctor since, well, I gave birth last January! How many times do I have to remind him? I didn’t want to attend my prenatal visits either, but I did it. And pushing a baby out? Yeah, that was not exactly a walk in the park. How hard is it to pick up the phone? I’m guessing he was just terrified something would go horribly wrong. Wait, that’s not how it goes, right? ::quickly googles vasectomy while grumbling about the clinic’s wifi::
- No more birth control pills! Hallelujah! Finally, no more remembering to take that tiny pill every night. I’m convinced those hormones turned me into a crazy person. Goodbye acne, weight gain, and mood swings. I’m tossing those pills tonight!
- Is he really going to complain about pain? I pushed three babies out of me! I had stitches down there not once, not twice, but three times. And not with any meds! The first time, I sat on a donut pillow for two weeks. And let’s not even talk about the bathroom experiences post-birth. So, no, I don’t want to hear about how sore he is. Just be grateful you can laugh without worrying about leaks!
- No more phantom baby kicks! You know that feeling when you think you can still feel a baby kicking when you’re not pregnant anymore? Yeah, that’s not happening anymore! I won’t have to worry about thinking I might be pregnant again.
- Wait, what if it doesn’t work? What if I end up pregnant again? What’s the success rate on vasectomies? I wonder if I can ask the doctor without looking like a total nutcase. I told some friends about this, and every single one had a “vasectomy baby” story. Great, just what I needed to hear!
- What would a fourth baby have been like? Would it be a boy or girl? I love brainstorming baby names. And you know, I’ll miss those special parking spots for pregnant women at the grocery store. That was the best! I wonder what color eyes they would have had. Maybe just one more? I could always rush to the clinic and stop the procedure! Boom! Fourth baby on the way!
- Do we have any frozen peas? How painful is this really? Will he need a wheelchair after? I probably should have researched this more. I think we have some peas hiding in the back of the freezer behind the ice cream sandwiches. Great, now I’m hungry!
- Our family is complete, right? I mean, it must be. He’s been in there long enough, so it’s probably done. I feel good about our three beautiful kids. They all sleep through the night, and I’m not ready to go through sleepless nights again. Three is plenty! I even had to buy a minivan. I’m not trying to start a reality show here!
- Yes, they were. The sleepless nights were definitely a thing. Yes, they were.
If you found my thoughts relatable, check out our other blog posts on home insemination and parenting tips at Intracervical Insemination. You can also explore Make A Mom for expert insights on fertility. For further information on pregnancy options, Wikipedia has some great resources too.
Summary:
Navigating the emotional rollercoaster of my husband’s vasectomy led to a mix of relief and nostalgia. I reflected on our family dynamics, the end of baby-related hassles, and the bittersweet reality of closing that chapter of our lives. Ultimately, I embraced the decision while acknowledging the challenges of parenthood.