By: Emily Carter
Updated: Dec. 1, 2023
Originally Published: Jan. 21, 2015
It all started when my son pointed out that if a song had the same lyrics but focused on boys, it would likely be labeled as sexist. My response? “You’re absolutely right.” And thus, the debate began. He struggles to comprehend why songs celebrating girl power are accepted, and it seems he’s genuinely offended.
This is a kid who has actively participated in protests at our state Capitol. We’ve had countless discussions about women’s rights, and he has even landed in detention for speaking up about significant issues in classrooms where it wasn’t exactly appropriate. He stayed up late with me to watch politicians like Wendy Davis and Leticia van de Putte challenge the status quo. Still, he views girl power as somewhat absurd and unfair. He’s confused about Title IX and its significance. At just 12 years old, I find myself questioning whether I’m losing my Progressive Parent Card.
I’ve attempted to explain concepts like glass ceilings and the struggle against systemic inequality, but he is not convinced. He observes his friends attending girls-only schools and feels excluded from girls-only book clubs. He even had a significant misunderstanding with his school regarding lacrosse, thinking it was unfair that only girls had a team. This has led him to feel that girls receive preferential treatment while boys are left to figure things out on their own. I’ve tried to explain that everyone faces challenges in this world and that, while progress has been made, it’s still largely a man’s world. It’s perfectly acceptable for women to stand up and demand equal opportunities.
I’ve tried to clarify that it’s not that girls are getting a fair advantage (even though they often don’t); it’s that they are getting a different kind of advantage. Much of the time, this discrepancy is not intentional but rather ingrained in societal norms. Creating spaces for girls isn’t anti-male; it’s about giving them the tools to navigate a world that can be unforgiving. It’s about providing them with the support they need to rise when they’re knocked down.
But my son doesn’t see it that way. He’s a white, middle-class boy who feels slighted when I belt out Beyoncé lyrics in the car. This makes me wonder if his reaction stems from a belief that boys and girls are already equal. Does he think that girl power is unnecessary because he perceives a level playing field? When I present my arguments, am I inadvertently teaching him that women are second-class citizens?
Of course, I want him to understand that women are not second-class citizens and that artists like Beyoncé and Sara Bareilles are singing to empower. (And don’t even get me started on the complex conversations I have with my 8-year-old daughter about mainstream beauty and the lyrics we hear!) But if my son continues to accept the status quo, he may never recognize how societal norms have shaped the experiences of women. It’s a frustrating dilemma, and I often feel trapped in my efforts to enlighten him.
What’s a mom to do? I don’t want to raise a version of Alex P. Keaton, oblivious to the progress of the feminist movement. I’m not willing to downplay the ongoing challenges women face, which, quite frankly, seem to be worsening. Most importantly, I don’t want my son to grow into a man who resents women because he believes they have an unfair advantage. I want him to realize that he is part of a generation that can enact change—if only he can get past his resentment towards Beyoncé and girls-only activities.
I openly admit to him that life isn’t fair for anyone. However, how can I help him understand that the unfairness is not equal? It’s a tough journey for a mom, and perhaps even tougher for a kid. Or specifically, for my kid. Sigh.
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In summary, navigating the complexities of gender equality with my son is a challenging task. I want him to understand the nuances of girl power and the importance of supporting women, while also ensuring he doesn’t feel resentful or undervalued. It’s a delicate balance that requires ongoing dialogue and understanding.
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