The truth isn’t just “out there” — it’s also buried deep within. Here’s my truth: Fox Mulder wormed his way into my heart back in 1992, and I can’t quite figure out how to evict him.
Mulder: The Man in My Mind
On a memorable first date, while sipping wine and discussing past relationships, I blurted out, “Fox Mulder is my animus.” My date raised an eyebrow like I’d just suggested a government cover-up. But I felt compelled to explore this thought further: The X-Files had long since concluded. For those unfamiliar, the term animus comes from Jungian psychology, representing the masculine aspect of the unconscious—essentially the ideal man I yearn for and aspire to be.
I’m fully aware that I’m just one of countless fans, yet that doesn’t stop me from daydreaming about those long, soulful conversations with Mulder on his couch (his bed didn’t come into play until season six). I’d adore him in spite of his secret habits and save him from The Smoking Man, of course.
Recently, I decided to revisit The X-Files to see if my feelings for Mulder had dimmed over the years. Nope! Whether it was early, mid, or later Mulder, he still had me swooning like a lovesick fan girl, a little jealous yet genuinely happy for Scully. Thanks for the nostalgia, streaming services!
He’s Flawless in Every Role
To delve deeper and differentiate my affection for the character from the actor, I picked up David Duchovny’s latest novel, Holy Cow. The story revolves around a talking cow named Elsie Bovary (LOL) who escapes to India to avoid a grisly fate, accompanied by a pig seeking refuge from slaughter in Israel and a turkey with an iPhone convinced he must flee to Turkey to avoid a dark Thanksgiving.
It’s a brilliant allegory about intolerance, loss of innocence, and mortality (plus, Duchovny clearly loves his puns). The book is both a heart-wrenching critique of factory farming and a whimsical adventure packed with Yiddish humor. What more could a nice Jewish vegetarian gal ask for?
As for his infamous character Hank Moody, I found him outrageously charming, sexy, and wounded—just my type. Despite my inner feminist’s protests, I was ready to swoop in and save him from the onset. Yet, Mulder remains my true love.
A Starstruck Encounter
A few years back, I had a real-life encounter with Duchovny while he was filming Californication near my apartment in Greenwich Village. Normally, New Yorkers treat celebrities as regular folks, but I couldn’t resist the urge to watch. By the time I arrived, a crowd of fans had gathered, and there he was—still a handsome man in his leather jacket.
I bonded with a fellow fan as we gushed over Duchovny. “He keeps looking over here,” she insisted. It seemed far-fetched, much like a government conspiracy, but she was right. He was indeed glancing our way. As he approached, I froze, unable to utter a word during the awkward silence until he broke it: “Isn’t anyone going to say anything?”
I watched as fans posed for photos, chatting him up like he was just a guy next door. My brave companion managed to snap a pic while I stood paralyzed by my admiration. The next day, at her urging, I returned for my moment but ended up trembling the whole time, wishing I could channel my inner cool.
Every Man I Meet Reminds Me of Mulder
I’ve found myself attracted to more than one enigmatic genius, drawn to their mix of charm and vulnerability, which Mulder epitomizes. These Mulder-like figures often overshadow my creative pursuits, but as I age, that tendency fades.
Maybe it all traces back to my geeky high school boyfriend, who introduced me to The X-Files—an imprint akin to alien abduction. Growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, it’s no surprise I might blend my deepest desires with a television character. Or perhaps, if I stick with the animus theme, it’s because there’s a troubled genius hidden within me.
If Mulder ever feels like dropping by to help me unravel life’s mysteries, my basement office is always open.
Summary
In this whimsical exploration, Emma Randall reflects on her enduring affection for Fox Mulder, the beloved character from The X-Files. With humor and nostalgia, she navigates her feelings about the character, the actor David Duchovny, and how they intertwine with her own life experiences. From a memorable first date confession to a starstruck encounter with Duchovny, Emma muses on the impact of fictional heroes on our real-world relationships and aspirations.