Having an 8-month-old can be a wild ride—especially when she used to be an incredible sleeper, but then caught a cold last month. Ever since, my understanding of day and night has spiraled into chaos. Sleep deprivation has led me to utter some truly outlandish things to my baby. Here’s hoping she’ll forgive me someday!
- Hands off my face! I’ve been awake with you for ages. We’re not exactly buddies right now.
- I’m changing your poopy diaper, and honestly, I should be the one crying.
- Quit flapping your arms like a hyper little bird!
- This is exactly why your dad wants to drive his car straight into the sea.
- Ugh… remember this moment when you’re a teenager.
- Stop biting me! You’re acting like a wild animal!
- Keep those legs still! I might have to resort to duct tape.
- Do you see anyone else laughing? It’s like you’re on some sort of baby drugs. Where can I get some?
- Normal people don’t smear boogers on their faces. You’re the worst roommate I’ve ever had.
- Please don’t suck there. I’m not designed for that!
- You were actually asleep!! Seriously, you were!
- The silly pacifier is staying in your mouth, no questions asked.
- Your diaper smells like apricots. What on Earth is happening?
- This is why you don’t have many friends.
- I try to cuddle you, and you push me away. I set you down, and you cry. You’re as perplexing as your father.
- Just tell me what you want! Not everything has to be a mystery.
- Stop being so cute. No one is cute right now. Just go the f*%k to sleep.
- Why are you smiling? Now I’m smiling too. I hate that we’re both smiling.
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Summary
As a sleep-deprived parent, I’ve said some pretty wild things to my 8-month-old daughter during our sleepless nights. From declaring that I should be crying while changing her diaper to lamenting about her confusing behavior, these moments reveal the humorous chaos of parenting.