Updated: July 29, 2017
Originally Published: Feb. 12, 2015
You know that moment when your partner gives you that exasperated look? Or when you feel like they’re scrutinizing every little thing you do? Sometimes it’s just the way they phrase things—and oh boy, how they say it—that makes you want to pull your hair out! It’s the stress that builds up when all you want is for things to flow smoothly. And don’t even get me started on how they tend to leave out crucial details in their stories, leaving you utterly lost.
The “he” I’m referring to is my husband, Mark.
I’m sure he has his own list of my quirks that drive him up the wall. I could rattle them off, but honestly, who wants to be bored with that? Fine, I’ll share a few because it’s only fair.
- He absolutely despises when I leave my clothes inside out.
- And speaking of laundry, I think he wishes I tackled it more often.
- He can’t stand that I don’t rinse dishes thoroughly before loading them into the dishwasher.
- He wants me to be better with finances, and let’s be real—he’s got a point there.
- He wishes I’d chill out a bit and let things slide more easily.
- He often wishes I liked sports, just a little pretend enthusiasm would suffice!
- He wishes I’d play outside with the kids more often.
- And yes, he wishes I wasn’t always so exhausted from Lyme Disease.
Some of our annoyances we vocalize, but other things just come with the territory after being married for nearly 9 years.
A few years back, those minor annoyances escalated into serious grievances about bigger issues. Our spacious home suddenly felt cramped, as if we were constantly stepping on each other’s toes. Resentments brewed, frustrations built up, and we both felt like we were drifting apart. The lack of communication? Yeah, it was dire.
As if adding two strong-willed kids to the mix helped any! Would it have made a difference if they were all sugar and spice? I doubt it.
About two years ago, Mark and I were seriously considering divorce. We had lawyers, contracts, and all of that heavy stuff. I even found a sleek townhouse that was everything our traditional home wasn’t, maybe a subconscious statement on my part.
We discussed how to break the news to our kids, how to split assets, and how to co-parent. It all felt surreal, probably because it was. Just two weeks before I was set to move into my new place and right as we were about to sign the divorce papers, we both had a “holy moly, what are we doing?” moment.
It hit us both that neither of us actually wanted a divorce. We wanted change, sure, but not the end of our marriage. One thought kept echoing in my mind—Mark is my team. He’s my go-to person when something great happens, and he’s the one I call when my world is crumbling. I couldn’t just walk away from my team like that.
Marriage is tough. It’s really tough. Anyone who says otherwise either isn’t married or hasn’t been in it long enough. You bring two individuals with different dreams, quirks, and spirits together, and somehow it’s supposed to work. Sometimes it doesn’t, and whether it clicks right away or not, it requires constant communication, mutual respect, and what feels like a ton of compromise.
Sometimes, it just wears me out. Even now, after we’ve recommitted to each other.
Now, I mentioned the things that can get on my nerves about Mark. How about I share why I realized he’s still my person?
- He always knows how to make me laugh.
- He genuinely loves his family and mine.
- His loyalty to friends is admirable; he treats them like brothers.
- I love his passion for, well, everything (yes, even sports).
- If I’m feeling down, he doesn’t let me stay that way for long.
- He is an incredible father.
- When I let him, he’s a fantastic husband.
- He always compliments my hair, even on bad hair days. (How nice is that?)
He will always be my person. Each day we show up for each other, and while some days are smoother than others, I recognize more and more that the man I chose for my team is exactly who I need right now, and I’m committed to being there for him too.
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Summary:
Marriage can be a challenging journey filled with quirks and frustrations. Yet, through communication and commitment, partners can recognize the value in each other and work together to strengthen their bond. Ultimately, it’s about being on the same team, even amid life’s chaos.