Updated: Aug. 6, 2020
Originally Published: Jan. 28, 2015
When we were deep into potty-training our first child, some friends visited from out of town. They were new parents with one adorable little baby, as cute as can be. The dad, a dear friend of ours, had just watched a Dr. Phil episode about how to potty train your child in just one weekend. And bless his heart, he excitedly told us, “Just do A, B, and C, and she’ll be completely potty-trained by Monday!”
Oh, how naive!
As if we hadn’t already attempted A, B, and C. As if we hadn’t tried every D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, and T as well. We’d spent the past year doing the potty-training shuffle, using rewards, encouragement, bribery, coaxing, sneaky tactics, and everything short of witchcraft to get our sweet girl to use the toilet regularly.
Every parent knows how frustrating it is to receive parenting advice from those who have yet to experience the sleepless nights and tantrums of parenthood. Honestly, I’m surprised people do it. If you ever saw me hand out parenting tips before I had kids, feel free to retroactively give me a gentle slap.
Equally annoying, though, is advice from those who are parents but only have one perfect little child under the age of three. I like to call them POOPCUPs: Parents Of One Perfect Child Under Preschool-age. POOPCUPs, bless their hearts, are often full of misguided notions. They simply don’t know any better. Our friend with his sweet baby was a POOPCUP, and I can admit—I probably was one too. In fact, I might as well have been the President of the POOPCUP club.
It’s common for first children to seem somewhat angelic, at least from their parents’ perspective. This blissful illusion can lead us to have more children. They’re adorable and evoke feelings of overwhelming love, and before they hit the age of three, they can trick us into believing we’re exceptional parents. Sure, navigating life with a toddler can be tough—they cry for seemingly no reason, get into trouble, and may not sleep well—but the rest is all about those adorable grins, giggles, and sloppy kisses.
I know some of you with toddlers might want to throw things at me for saying this, but parenting kids under three is actually quite simple. Sure, it can be exhausting, but the mechanics of caring for little ones can often feel more straightforward.
I remember feeling utterly drained while chasing after our first child, convinced I was facing the most challenging phase of parenting. I thought I’d be far more capable when it came to managing an older child’s emotional needs—after all, I had experience as a teacher and could communicate with older kids. I assumed that once I reached the stage of parenting that allowed me to catch up on sleep and enjoy some ‘me time’, I could tackle any emotional challenges that arose.
The funny thing is, my child hadn’t yet developed the verbal skills and awareness of her own autonomy that would unleash the true chaos of parenthood. Two-year-olds have a will of their own, but it’s mostly just cute at that stage. They may have their moments of defiance, but it’s still somewhat charming.
However, around the age of three, children start to truly realize their power and vocabulary. This is when what I like to call the “Tyrannical Threes” emerge. They remain undeniably cute, but that’s when the real work of parenting begins—the work I thought would be easier for me.
Oh, how mistaken I was. The emotional demands of parenting are just as taxing, if not more so, than the physical challenges. It’s exhausting on every front.
Returning to my days as POOPCUP President, our first child was a delightful and mostly easy-going baby and toddler. While she didn’t sleep well until around 18 months, she was generally a bundle of joy—bright, curious, and cute. If she had remained our only child, I would have felt like the most self-righteous mother alive, with a compliant and clever child.
Oh, the irony!
Then came our second child, who was a completely different story. At just two years old, she named her baby doll “Horse” without a second thought. She gallops around on all fours, much to everyone’s amazement, and has expressed her desire to have been born an animal instead of a human.
Needless to say, she didn’t sit through prayer meetings like her sister did. Once you have more than one child, you quickly learn that much of their behavior stems from their inherent nature and not just your stellar parenting skills.
I know this might ruffle some feathers among parents of one little one. I remember feeling irritated when moms with multiple kids assumed I lacked the wisdom to contribute to parenting discussions just because I had my first. And I fully acknowledge that parenting one child can be incredibly challenging. But let’s be real, it’s a different ball game with more than one.
I empathize with POOPCUPs because I was one. And I’ve encountered others just like them. You might be one, too—or know someone who is. If you’ve graduated from the POOPCUP phase, you may chuckle at their overconfidence, but be patient. Their time will come. Let them revel in the joy of their perfect little child—at least for now.
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Summary:
The article humorously explores the experience of being a parent with one young child, highlighting the naivety of those who offer unsolicited advice. It contrasts the ease of parenting a single toddler with the challenges that arise once a second child enters the mix, emphasizing how much of a child’s behavior is innate rather than a reflection of parenting skills.