Updated: Aug. 20, 2015
Originally Published: Jan. 27, 2015
Remember that infamous family who sent a bill to the kid who didn’t show up to their birthday bash? Well, I have to admit, I’m a bit relieved that this topic is finally getting some attention. Entertaining other people’s kids can be quite the financial burden! So, in the spirit of recouping some of those costs, here’s a list of expenses I’ll be invoicing other families for, starting with these…
- 87 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches made for your child, half of which ended up untouched.
- 800 kilowatt-hours of electricity used to keep the Xbox running.
- The three “must-have” Xbox games that my kids discovered thanks to yours.
- Carpool expenses, including mileage, gas, and wear-and-tear on my vehicle. (This minivan isn’t getting any younger!)
- My billable hours for the playdate you decided to “hang out” at.
- The plumber’s bill (holiday rates apply, Happy Labor Day!) for the clogged toilet.
- Six rolls of toilet paper that your child attempted to stuff down that very same toilet.
- Various art supplies that were somehow transformed into a disaster zone instead of masterpieces.
- 18 rolls of paper towels used while teaching your kid how to drink from a regular glass.
- Goldfish crackers, goldfish crackers, goldfish crackers.
- The case of ZBars that inexplicably went missing.
- The living room rug that your child deemed “not that nice” and proceeded to use as a trampoline.
- The wine I had to consume to recover from your family’s visit.
- 367 Magic Erasers, because some kids just have a knack for making messes.
- New balls (all of which have mysteriously vanished over the fence or just disappeared!).
- One gallon of ice cream that was “too chocolatey” and turned into a puddle on the kitchen table.
- Two cups of hot chocolate that were also “too chocolatey” and left to congeal on the coffee table.
- One bag of microwave popcorn I had been saving for my binge-watching session that your kid managed to find—and burn.
- 300 gallons of water from July 2014 when the hose was accidentally left running for five hours.
- Six boxes of Band-Aids and three tubes of Neosporin (I told your kid at least four times not to eat it!).
- Three days at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica—because I needed a break.
We do accept credit, but cash is preferred! Due to the PTA wrapping paper incident of 2012, we can’t accept personal checks. Please settle your bill before sending your kids over again. And speaking of settling, if you want to learn more about home insemination, check out this helpful resource on our blog.
In summary, managing playdates can sometimes feel like a second job, and it’s only fair that we all share the costs involved. For more insights on home insemination, visit Cryobaby, an authority on the subject, or explore the excellent resource available at Cleveland Clinic.