Parenting Tips
Stop Feeling Awkward: Start Communicating Effectively
by Lily Bennett
Updated: Dec. 18, 2023
Originally Published: Jan. 19, 2023
1. Recognize the Unique Roles in Your Life
One of my all-time favorite parenting resources (and trust me, it works for adults too) is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish. Their insights are pure gold! There’s a fantastic section about when a child exclaims, “You love Alex more than me!” The authors explain that simply saying, “I love you both equally,” is not enough. We all crave unique recognition. They share a relatable adult scenario: When a wife asked her husband whom he loved more, her or his mother, she didn’t want a tie. Instead, he beautifully replied, “My mother is my mother, and you are the remarkable woman I want to share my life with.” Now, that’s a winning response!
2. Provide a Fresh Perspective
Just before my wedding, I was a bundle of nerves, fretting over every detail and imagining every possible disaster (ever worried your veil might fly off mid-ceremony?). My mom listened and then wisely said, “The mishaps often turn into the best stories.” Those words instantly brought me comfort.
3. Encourage Others to Discover Their Truths
In Piers Anthony’s novel, A Spell for Chameleon, the character Bink struggles with knowing his magical abilities. To find out, he seeks the Good Magician Humpfrey, who promises answers in exchange for a year of servitude. During his stay, Bink encounters a manticore who reveals its question: “Do I have a soul?” The answer was profound: “Only those who have souls worry about it.” What a revelation! Instead of a simple yes or no, the manticore received a realization that would empower him forever.
4. Differentiate Between Mountains and Molehills
My partner and I were collaborating with others on a project when one individual accidentally hit “reply all” instead of sending a private message. After this blunder, he sent a follow-up email expressing his embarrassment. My partner simply replied, “We’ve all been there.” Such a straightforward response acknowledges feelings without dismissing them. It’s crucial to recognize what someone is experiencing. Saying things like, “Don’t worry!” can feel invalidating when someone is genuinely anxious. What we often seek is a sympathetic ear and a bit of perspective.
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In summary, effective communication is about recognizing individuality, providing perspective, empowering self-discovery, and understanding the weight of concerns. By adopting these approaches, you can transform awkward moments into meaningful conversations.