When I experienced my first miscarriage, my phone was practically buzzing non-stop with messages of sympathy and support. It felt overwhelming, and yet, I felt more isolated than ever. While I genuinely appreciated the love from my friends and family, what I truly craved was the chance to express my anger and sadness. I just needed someone to listen.
Instead, I often received unsolicited advice and well-intentioned but misguided comments. From that experience, I realized there are certain things you should never say to someone grieving the loss of a baby. Here’s a list of phrases to avoid, along with more supportive alternatives.
DON’T SAY: “I understand what you’re going through.”
Let’s be honest—unless you’re living in my shoes, you don’t fully grasp my pain. Yes, you may have had a miscarriage too, but your experience is uniquely yours.
SAY THIS: “I remember my miscarriage…”
This approach lets you share your own journey without overshadowing mine. It opens the door for connection while respecting my feelings.
DON’T SAY: “Time heals all wounds.”
While it might have gotten better for you, you can’t promise that for me. Healing is a personal journey, and “better” looks different for everyone.
SAY THIS: “It took time for me to heal.”
I want to hear your story about finding light after loss. Sharing your recovery process gives me hope without making unrealistic guarantees.
DON’T SAY: “You can always try again.”
Thanks for the tip, but it’s not that simple. Suggesting that my lost baby can just be replaced is incredibly hurtful.
SAY THIS: Just listen.
Sometimes, silence speaks volumes. I’m grappling with the loss of the baby that was meant to be; please focus on my current pain instead of future possibilities.
DON’T SAY: “It wasn’t that far along, so it’s not like you lost a baby.”
Excuse me? You don’t get to determine when I formed an emotional bond with my child. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was a mom.
SAY THIS: “I’m truly sorry for your loss.”
This statement acknowledges my grief and the dreams that have been shattered. It’s a simple yet powerful way to show empathy.
Everyone copes with miscarriage in their own way. The most important thing you can do is listen. If you want to share your thoughts later, be compassionate and mindful of what to avoid saying.
For more insights on navigating sensitive topics, check out this post on Invisible Moms’ Club. And if you’re looking for resources related to pregnancy, Cleveland Clinic offers excellent information on intrauterine insemination.
In summary, supporting a friend through a miscarriage requires sensitivity and understanding. Rather than trying to offer solutions or downplay their grief, simply being there to listen can make a world of difference.