By: Jessie Carter
Back in my college days, there was a guy named Adam who had a bit of a crush on me. It was the early ’90s, and I was living with a lively group of rowers in an old sorority house. After the season’s end, we threw a massive party that featured more than enough drinks. I may have gone a little overboard with a concoction called Purple Passion, and before long, I was feeling quite dizzy.
As I leaned against the door, my teammate Lily playfully shoved Adam towards me, instructing him to make sure I got back to my room safely. After I managed to get into bed, he wrapped me in a blanket and settled down on the floor beside me. Despite my inebriated state, he respected my boundaries, and the next day, I woke up with a headache but also with Adam there, ensuring I was alright.
Then there was Jake, a friend of my roommate from high school. He seemed friendly enough when I met him at a party early in the semester. I was a freshman and attended a fraternity gathering where Jake was hoping to pledge. I trusted him when he offered to give me a tour of the house. But once we climbed upstairs, things took a turn. He led me into a dimly lit room, pushed me onto a bed, and tried to unbutton my shirt. I fought against him, yelling for him to stop until I finally managed to escape downstairs and out of the house.
Now, let’s talk about Ryan, a senior backup quarterback I met at a local bar. After closing time, he offered to drive me back to my dorm in his flashy red sports car. Little did I know, I was being naive. I invited him up, nervously talking while facing him across the room. But when he realized I wasn’t going to give him what he had hoped for, he left without any plans of returning.
Then there was someone I’ll refer to as Dave. He was dating a friend of mine and called me for help, claiming he needed advice. I thought nothing of it. Upon arrival, he offered me a drink and then a backrub. I was soon pinned down and crying, begging him to stop. But he didn’t.
Now, as a mom to a little boy, I am focusing on teaching him one critical four-letter word: STOP. When we play and he says “stop,” I immediately respect his wishes. He knows that his boundaries are important and that it’s safe to play with me. I’ve ensured he understands that he owns his body and that others have autonomy over theirs too.
I emphasize the importance of this word as I believe it, paired with lessons of kindness and respect for all, will shape him into a man who never thinks to push anyone beyond their comfort zone. I refuse to raise a Dave; I am raising an Adam.
As a mother, I have the duty to guide my son towards becoming a good man. Fortunately, I have a husband who exemplifies this beautifully. I don’t subscribe to the “Boys Will Be Boys” mentality. Instead, boys need to be taught compassion, love, and respect. If we expect better behavior, that’s what we’ll see.
I’m instilling in my son that respect is universal, regardless of a person’s background. He will learn that he’s not entitled to anything and that patience and kindness are vital. I hope he’ll remember these lessons throughout his life.
The “boys will be boys” notion lets them evade accountability, but we are all responsible for our actions. Accepting that boys can indulge in certain behaviors just because that’s the norm is unacceptable.
There are more four-letter words I want my son to grasp, equally as essential as “STOP”:
- Boys will be Kind.
- Boys can show Love.
- Boys can inspire Hope.
- Boys can Help.
If he picks up other four-letter words along the way, they won’t hold a candle to these foundational lessons. For more on nurturing positive behaviors, check out this insightful resource. And if you’re considering starting a family, Make a Mom offers great tips on boosting fertility. Also, Hopkins Medicine has excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, teaching my son the importance of boundaries and respect is my top priority. I want him to grow into a compassionate and kind man who understands the significance of consent and empathy.