Jenna: What’s a lesson you’ve learned about happiness that you didn’t grasp when you were 18?
Max: Like many young folks, I was wrapped up in my own insecurities and hardly aware of myself. I reacted to everything around me, feeling like my emotions were as unpredictable as the weather. It was easy to drown in feelings of fear, anger, or sadness. At that age, you lack perspective; it’s like being an ancient human who panics when the sun disappears, unsure if it’ll ever return. Just thinking about it makes me want to give every 18-year-old a big hug!
As I grew older, I learned to identify my emotions and trace them back to their roots. When I find myself in a funk, I mentally rewind to discover what triggered it: “Oh! I’m upset because I let chores interfere with my writing,” or “Wow, I was in a great mood until that news segment made me anxious.” The quicker I confront these issues, or at least acknowledge them, the sooner I can get back on track. And if the problem is more complex, I remind myself I’ve navigated through tough times before. That’s the gift of experience, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Do you find yourself doing anything that sabotages your happiness?
I’m a reformed control enthusiast. Every time I try to manage someone else’s actions, I’m just inviting unhappiness for both of us. I shared a story in my memoir about how my micromanagement during my husband’s early parenting years was detrimental. When you constantly question someone’s ability to make choices, you only reinforce their self-doubt.
“I’m amazed that raising a family has brought me so much joy. I never considered myself overly maternal or even very ‘wifey’ material.”
It’s a sneaky trap, so I have to be mindful of my intentions when offering “help” or “advice.” Sometimes, the best support is simply showing someone you believe in them.
What do you observe in others that impacts their happiness, positively or negatively?
Tom Petty has a great line in his “Wildflowers” album: “Most of the things I worry about never happen anyway.” A huge portion of unhappiness stems from worries about things that aren’t real. Sure, life brings genuine sadness, but when I check in with myself, I often find I’m okay today. It’s tomorrow that I’m anxious about, or something that happened yesterday. It’s puzzling how challenging it is for us to stay present, especially when it’s often a really nice place to be.
Have your feelings about happiness changed over time? Did you experience periods of extreme happiness or unhappiness? How did you find your way back to joy if you were unhappy?
I grew up in the chilly Northeast and joke that I didn’t realize I was a cheerful person until I relocated to the sunny South. But it’s no joke; I’m quite sensitive to sunlight! If we have three gloomy days in a row here in Little Rock, I’m a total Grinch. Newfoundland is stunning, but there’s a reason its capital claims the most pubs per capita in North America—I’d have had to self-medicate otherwise!
Were you ever shocked that something you thought would make you really happy didn’t, or vice versa?
I’m genuinely surprised by the joy that family life has brought me. I never viewed myself as particularly maternal or as someone who would fit neatly into a “happily ever after” narrative. I always imagined writing a book about how I fell in love with my husband, filled with epic tales of romance. Instead, I discovered that the real adventure lies in the everyday moments that make life feel divine—those small, ordinary instances where I think, “This is bliss, right here and now.”
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In summary, happiness often stems from appreciating the small, everyday moments rather than chasing grand expectations. By nurturing our awareness of emotions and supporting others without controlling them, we can cultivate a more joyful life.