I’ll never forget the time I faced bullying that felt completely foreign to me. They picked on everything—from my hair and clothes to the way I shook my head. They mocked any display of emotion, yelled at me, and got all up in my grill. I was at a loss for how to handle it. While my parents aren’t perfect, I didn’t grow up in an environment where people lashed out so viciously. One of my bullies had a habit of wetting her pants, and I could’ve easily flipped the script by saying, “At least I don’t have that issue!” But I just didn’t have the tools in my arsenal to throw shade like that. You might be wondering how a girl with such a problem managed to maintain a ‘cool’ status—honestly, it still puzzles me!
Eventually, I distanced myself from those toxic friendships and returned to my nerdy roots. What a relief! I thought I had found my safe haven for about six months, but then my parents bought a summer house, and lo and behold, the local community was filled with mean folks. There were entire families of bullies—mean parents, mean kids, and even mean cousins who visited from their own unkind hometowns. I harbored such strong resentment towards them, and to this day, I can’t help but feel a bit of glee at their misfortunes.
Once I was old enough, I stopped visiting that place and enjoyed a few peaceful years. However, during my junior year of high school, a group of boys decided to make my life miserable. Those six months were a nightmare; I dreaded waking up and came home feeling utterly humiliated. My misfortune finally took a turn when I caught mono and had to stay home for six weeks.
When I returned to school, I was ready to bite back. If someone was mean to me, I retaliated with even harsher words. I remember telling one particularly clever bully how short and unattractive he was, and it felt surprisingly satisfying.
For a long time, I learned two things about mean people: how to avoid them or how to respond with equal meanness. And while I’m not claiming I’ve never been mean myself, there’s a difference between occasional rudeness and consistent cruelty. Sometimes, a bully can appear nice to others around them, making you feel isolated and crazy—it’s a tactic that’s all too common. As life progresses and you encounter mean individuals you can’t just cut out—like nosy neighbors or in-laws—you need to find a way to handle them without losing your sanity.
One strategy that has worked wonders for me is simply stating, “Do not speak to me like that.” And delivery is key—keep it straightforward and devoid of emotion. They thrive on your hurt feelings, so don’t give them that satisfaction. By saying, “Do not speak to me like that,” you’re clearly setting boundaries. This forces the bully to reevaluate the rules they’ve created, which often sanction cruelty and condescension.
It’s been effective time and time again. If you’re dealing with a particularly tough case, try adding a touch of dismissiveness to your tone. Just remember: keep it unemotional. You’re building a wall of stone, not one made of tears.
Recently, I learned that the father of the meanest girl I ever encountered got into some legal trouble. It made me reflect on her upbringing and how her meanness might stem from being raised by someone who was dishonest and untrustworthy. It’s not the most mature feeling, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bring a little smile to my face.
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In summary, dealing with mean people can be tough, but setting boundaries and asserting yourself is key. Practice saying, “Do not speak to me like that” and watch how it transforms your interactions. You deserve to be treated with respect!