As the proud mom of three boys, I can confidently say that my life is anything but dull. While they’re generally laid-back and well-mannered, their creativity often leaves me scratching my head. When I envisioned motherhood, I certainly didn’t fathom the unique challenges that come with raising boys. Without brothers of my own, I thought I’d dispense only sage advice—think after-school specials. Spoiler alert: I was very wrong. Here’s a collection of phrases I never thought I’d utter, yet here we are.
- It’s absolutely unacceptable to pee in your toy truck. You’d think this one was obvious, right? But my then 3-year-old had other plans with his front-loader garbage truck. I suppose I should give him credit for his aim!
- Take those underwear off your head immediately! You’d assume that the thought of wearing someone else’s “used” undies would be a natural repellent. Apparently not for my goofy 3-year-old.
- Keep your fingers away from your brother’s eyeball! I can’t pinpoint which child this was, but I have a hunch it was that same adventurous 3-year-old.
- Eating your ear wax is a no-go. This had to be the other one. My boys don’t seem to be fans of tissues. I wonder when the phase of eating boogers will end—no matter how many times I explain how gross and unhealthy it is, they keep going back for seconds. I suspect it’s just convenience.
- Do NOT throw banana peels on the ground just to slip on them! My husband witnessed this outlandish stunt, which looked like an attempt to recreate something from a Mythbusters episode. And thanks to that show, my 7-year-old has sworn off jeans altogether, convinced they might spontaneously combust. Thanks, Discovery Channel, for making sweatpants the new cool.
- Never leave your toothbrush on the floor next to the toilet! Trust me, that firehose situation can be tricky. I’ve become desensitized to discussions about pee and boy bits, but some things still catch me off guard—like #9.
- Do NOT stick boogers in your ear! Did I really just say that?
- A pretend helmet won’t shield your head. Ah, the innocence of a four-year-old! This kid donned a fireman costume during a sweltering 90-degree day at the beach. Imagination is one thing, but I nearly had a heart attack watching him!
- Do NOT leave cups of pee in the bathtub! Apparently, my boys thought it was wise to conduct a science experiment during bath time. This happened during a particularly chaotic period with our third child, which might explain the lack of supervision. I scrubbed and cleaned, only to discover their little “experiment” was the source of the lingering stench. A chat was definitely in order.
- Do NOT put blackberries in your pockets. My eldest adores picking blackberries, but he also recently discovered pants pockets. One day he came home from school with a treasure trove of cherry tomatoes and snap peas stuffed in there, all leftovers from lunch. He was so proud to show us his haul!
As time goes on, I’m sure this list will grow, especially with my youngest adding his own brand of mischief. These are the moments that make motherhood memorable, right? No, really—right?
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Summary
Raising boys is a wild ride full of unexpected moments and quirky adventures. From the absurdity of toy truck mishaps to the joys of creative play, each day brings new lessons and laughter. As I navigate this journey, I know I’ll continue to find myself saying things I never imagined—creating lasting memories in the process.