Sometimes I feel like my marriage is in shambles—like it’s so broken that a romantic evening out or a weekend getaway wouldn’t even begin to mend it. Suggesting such things feels like tossing a bandage on a broken leg. I’m tired of just putting a little ointment on our wounds and hoping they heal without scars. We’ve been doing that for far too long. This time, a quick break won’t do.
I can’t help but feel responsible. My emotional foundation seems shaky, and I haven’t stood tall in a long while. Perhaps I’ve relied on him too much. Lately, my old friend Anxiety has been crashing on our couch, always finding a cozy spot right between us. And let’s not even talk about how I often don’t meet the standards of a great homemaker. He walks in after a long day to a house that looks like it was hit by a tornado. “Oh, you’re out of clean boxer shorts for tomorrow?” My bad—I’ve been too busy chasing our four-year-old to make sure he didn’t choke on something. You’re welcome!
We’re both exhausted—like, can’t-see-straight tired—overwhelmed by this beautiful life we’ve built together. We barely have time to enjoy it; instead, we find ourselves resenting each other and bickering over the silliest things. They say kids bring couples closer together. Perhaps in the delivery room, but after that? I call shenanigans.
Our parenting styles are like oil and water. Apparently, I’m the enforcer—when I say no, I mean it. He leans toward a maybe, which often translates into yes. I feel like the villain in our household, dealing with our teenager and our youngest while he breezes in after work, completely unaware of my daily struggles. By the time he comes home, I’m practically at the door, ready to escape. Dinner? Ha! What a joke.
I don’t know why I thought this would be a walk in the park. It feels like we’re the only ones grappling with our so-called “perfect life,” mainly because no one talks about it. “Do you ever resent your husband?” is not a question I’d dare ask, worried that I’d hear, “How could I? Everything is just peachy!” Thanks a lot, June and Ward Cleaver, for making it look so effortless.
Today, I miss my marriage. I long for my best friend and the solid “us” we were before all this delightful chaos came along and turned everything upside down. We used to uplift each other. We were an unstoppable team. Remember?
If you’re interested in exploring more about navigating relationships, check out this post on the blog Home Insemination Kit. For anyone considering home insemination, Make A Mom is a great resource for the kit you’ll need. And if you’re looking for information on intrauterine insemination, Healthline has some excellent insights here.
In summary, relationships can be incredibly challenging, and it’s not always easy to keep the spark alive when life gets in the way. But acknowledging the struggles is the first step toward healing and rebuilding what once was.