I have some eye-opening news: your parents are planning to welcome a new baby into the family. They call it “having a sibling,” but don’t buy into that fancy talk. They’ve ordered a Baby 2.0, and guess what? That means you might be getting bumped from your throne!
But hey, let’s not forget—you’re still the reigning champ of your home (though, if we’re being honest, take a look around; who’s really wearing the crown here? Spoiler alert: it’s probably me). Your new little sibling won’t care about your royal status, though. Babies don’t recognize authority. I mean, they don’t even watch the latest episodes of your favorite shows!
And let me tell you, babies are high-maintenance. You’d think that with all the technology around, they’d come pre-programmed to take care of themselves, right? Darwin would have had a chat with Steve Jobs about that, for sure.
As for me, I’ve already made it crystal clear to my parents that I’m not on board with adding another baby to our household. They respect my wishes, which is why I’m allowed to indulge in my favorite syrupy treat every morning (Vitamin D). It’s practically breakfast in bed!
Listen up, little ones! I’m here to help you out. The baby isn’t here yet, so there’s still time for your parents to reconsider this new addition. Your mission? Remind them just how challenging babies can be. It’s your duty, just like it’s your parents’ job to keep you happy—nausea from the impending newcomer notwithstanding.
Here are some strategies to employ:
- Pretend your legs are made of spaghetti. Wobbly and weak, just like that!
- If you tire of being spaghetti, channel your inner steel rod. Pretend there’s a steel rod in your back whenever someone tries to put you in a car seat. Remember: steel rods DO NOT BEND! “DO NOT BEND” should be your new mantra.
- Become “colicky.” You may be too old for that, but desperate times call for desperate measures!
- Eat more carrots than is humanly possible. Push the boundaries, then let those carrots fly whenever you see fit. It’s a fun new vegetable game.
- Hide an alarm clock in your crib set to go off every 30 minutes. This will ensure your parents are reminded to wake up—by any means necessary. Sure, you won’t get much sleep, but you’ve got to dig deep. Banging on the crib can be a unique way to stress them out. Just remember, no injuries; they’re already causing you trouble with their Baby 2.0 upgrade.
- Try not to be charming. I know that’s tough with your natural good looks, but smearing food on your face is one way to tone it down. No smiles allowed, even when something exciting happens, like witnessing a cute farm animal.
- Whenever you see another baby, scream at a pitch only dogs can hear and hold that scream for a full 50 Mississippi counts. Then, if you feel inclined, repeat the process.
Wishing you the best of luck, little ones!
Yours in diapers,
Your fellow sibling warrior
P.S. For more helpful insights on family dynamics, check out our other blog post on terms and conditions. For anyone looking to boost their fertility journey, Make a Mom has some fantastic resources. And if you’re interested in learning about IVF, News Medical offers excellent information on the topic.
Summary: This humorous letter addresses a soon-to-be older sibling about the changes that come with a new baby in the family. It reassures them of their importance while offering playful tactics to cope with the transition.