When children start school and no longer require a nanny’s care, well-meaning parents often scramble to find a new opportunity for her (or him). Many take to local listservs, and I’ve observed a curious trend: parents frequently label their nannies as “incredible,” as in, “Our incredible nanny is now available!”
A quick search reveals over 500 instances of the phrase “incredible nanny.” However, terms like fantastic, awesome, or even good nanny are nowhere to be found. If you type “incredible nanny” into Google, you’ll find about 28,000 results, including a post from a celebrity and various job listings. The usual traits I’d look for—punctuality, reliability, warmth—are overshadowed by this hyperbolic language. “Incredible nanny” has become a linguistic collocation, much like the phrases “dollars to donuts” or “get to the point.” It exemplifies a trend in which we resort to increasingly extreme language to describe both the positives and negatives in life. Just like when you call your latte “epic” instead of just “good,” we’ve elevated the nanny title to mythical status.
But why this fixation on the term “incredible nanny”? I reached out to Roberta Green, a sociology professor who has studied caregivers extensively. She noted, “While many parents feel their nannies are indeed incredible, this phrase can often be a way to ease their own guilt. They realize they’re placing a low-wage worker in a precarious situation, and calling them ‘incredible’ serves to make them feel better about that. They hope that by highlighting the nanny’s ‘incredible’ qualities, they can help her transition to another family quickly, easing their own conscience.”
Is there any aspect of parenting that’s free from anxiety and guilt? I once had a full-time job offer that I turned down, largely due to guilt. I interviewed two nannies I had met on the playground, both of whom were attentive caregivers. However, they were undocumented, and I felt uneasy about the legal implications and the lack of background checks. I worried about leaving my kids with someone without formal training, no regulations, and no identification. I felt guilty about the power dynamics at play and that we’d be contributing to an unfair system for immigrant women. I even felt guilty for wanting to return to work—why wasn’t I completely satisfied as a stay-at-home mom? And let’s not forget the resentment: hiring a nanny meant that my entire paycheck would go toward her salary.
Ultimately, I declined the job offer, thanked the nannies, and continued juggling my hectic schedule. This arrangement didn’t work out well for anyone involved—the nannies who needed employment, me who wanted a full-time job, or my kids, who were often left with exhausted parents.
Interestingly, while parents tout their nannies as “incredible,” I’ve heard plenty of complaints about them. Many parents express frustration, saying their nannies are late, inattentive, or too glued to their phones. This inconsistency makes me wonder: Are we holding caregivers to impossible standards while overlooking our own shortcomings?
When I mentioned this to Roberta, she chuckled, stating, “Parents often apply a double standard to their nannies. They don’t always recognize that childcare can be monotonous and isolating.” In our culture, caregivers are frequently undervalued. Many of them lack access to basic labor protections like overtime pay and minimum wage laws. New regulations intended to provide these protections for home-care workers have been delayed. Since these jobs occur in private homes with no oversight, domestic workers remain vulnerable to exploitation. Written contracts are uncommon, and even those who are compensated fairly often face long periods of unemployment and inadequate retirement savings.
Roberta pointed out that employers sometimes expect nannies to work unpaid overtime or take on additional duties without compensation. Rather than risk losing their jobs, many caregivers comply with these demands.
If I had hired a nanny, I likely wouldn’t have been a better employer than those Roberta describes. My guilt and expectations might have set me up for disappointment. After all, we would be paying her a significant amount—more than we pay for our rent—and I’d probably scrutinize every late arrival or moment of less-than-cheerful demeanor. I might even have asked her to take on housekeeping tasks, convinced that caregiving wasn’t “that hard.” I’d hope she’d be exceptional, perhaps even better at parenting than I am, which is an unrealistic expectation.
These two major issues—cost and the undervaluation of care work—are contributing to a dysfunctional American parenting and caregiving system. The high expense of hiring nannies or daycare can deter parents from entering the workforce or force them to pay what feels like a mortgage to keep their children cared for. Meanwhile, those providing childcare often earn too little; they lack health insurance, retirement benefits, and are frequently paid under the table. A national organizer for domestic workers grimly noted, “There’s no good retirement plan for a nanny.”
No one benefits from a broken system. The relationship between employer and nanny often ends with the employer trying to find new work for the nanny, using flowery language to gloss over the underlying issues.
We’re all feeling the pressure, but we must carve out room for real changes—like a well-trained, fairly compensated, and regulated childcare workforce that includes pathways to citizenship for those already doing this essential work. Caregiving needs to be recognized as a legitimate job, not just a hobby for women. The argument that home-care workers are “companions” rather than “workers” is absurd and undermines their contributions.
The phrase “incredible nanny,” with its implications of superhuman qualities, feels out of place. When I read those ads, I wonder: Should I really be amazed? Isn’t it enough to just hire someone reliable, who won’t face financial ruin when my family no longer needs her? Can I pursue my career without being part of an exploitative system?
That would truly be—well, just fantastic.
In summary, our childcare system is in dire need of reform. Many parents struggle with guilt over hiring nannies, while caregivers often face unjust conditions. We need to advocate for a system that values care work and provides fair compensation. For more insights into pregnancy and home insemination, check out this resource.