In a 2012 article, the New York Times posed the question, “Do Women Enjoy Child Care More Than Men?” The response, based on research from scholars Steven Rhoads and Christopher Rhoads, was a resounding yes. However, the study was limited to a small group of just 185 assistant professors with toddlers, and the questions were framed in a rather broad manner, which might have skewed the results. While the Rhoads duo acknowledged the shortcomings of their sample, the Times concluded that mothers inherently enjoy childcare more than fathers, attributing this to biological factors.
What this research overlooked were the complex emotions tied to childcare tasks, such as, “I love my kids, but I do not love wrestling them into their car seats,” or “I adore them, but grocery store tantrums are not my favorite.” Interestingly, fathers in the study seemed to focus more on the less enjoyable aspects of childcare when expressing their feelings, leading to lower satisfaction ratings. Dr. Mills noted, “Childcare tasks can be intertwined with our feelings about our kids, and men appeared more capable of separating their feelings about specific tasks from their overall affection.” The conclusion was clear: men enjoy childcare less than women.
Fortunately, Dr. Mills and Dr. Johnson’s more recent analysis revealed that both mothers and fathers actually report high levels of enjoyment when caring for their children, particularly during activities like playing and conversing with them. This finding is crucial. The stereotype that “women love taking care of kids” has lingered for so long that it’s rarely questioned. This belief can have detrimental cultural and economic implications, perpetuating the idea that mothers naturally assume the role of primary caregivers and should continue to shoulder unpaid labor, which ultimately hinders their earning potential.
Dr. Mills shared that her students, who are presumably more informed, still hold the view that mothers should be the primary caregivers, while fathers’ involvement is seen as optional. “It’s a deeply ingrained notion that we enjoy childcare, and that it’s our ‘choice’ to take on this role,” she remarked. Women often take time off work for family care, which can negatively affect their careers and financial stability, especially since they tend to live longer than men. The research by Mills and Johnson challenges the idea that caregiving is rooted in enjoyment, showing that fathers are equally fond of childcare and just as capable.
Another noteworthy finding was that women reported higher levels of fatigue and stress associated with childcare responsibilities. Women spend an average of 127 minutes daily on childcare compared to men’s 95 minutes, and they also dedicate an additional 111 minutes daily to household chores like cleaning and meal prep, while men invest just 45 minutes. Despite men working nearly two hours more per day, both genders report similar levels of happiness and stress related to their jobs. Yet, women consistently express greater fatigue.
When I asked Dr. Mills about the reasons behind this disparity in stress and fatigue, she ruled out sleep deprivation as a factor, noting that women in their study actually got about half an hour more sleep than men. She suggested that women might be more prone to depression or that their sleep could be interrupted by young children. However, a major contributor seems to be multitasking.
Dr. Mills confirmed that multitasking may indeed be draining women. “We know that women engage in more activities throughout the day, albeit for shorter durations, than men. The act of switching between tasks can have a tiring neurological effect,” she explained. This aligns with my own experience; it’s not just the childcare that wears me out, but the myriad of other responsibilities that come with it. Sure, I cherish my kids, but I constantly find myself juggling a mental to-do list: If I use the last two eggs tonight, will I have enough for my son’s lunch tomorrow? Are the kids’ clothes clean for the week, or is laundry calling my name? What’s that mysterious gritty stuff underfoot? (There always seems to be something gritty.)
Even with fewer hours of paid work than my husband, I feel like I’m playing a game of personal Tetris, where the pieces of responsibility keep dropping faster. It’s the cognitive and emotional load that really drains me. Dr. Mills emphasizes, “It’s crucial to understand that it’s not solely about women liking children more. The stress and fatigue women experience is what stands out. Women are indeed more stressed and tired than men.”
On a positive note, both genders enjoy caring for kids, and women manage to carve out an impressive 12 minutes a day for “me time,” which is four more minutes than men. If we could just bump that up to half an hour, maybe we could sneak in a nap!
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Summary:
Mothers may enjoy caring for their children, but they also experience higher levels of fatigue and stress compared to fathers. Research shows that multitasking contributes significantly to this exhaustion, as women juggle multiple responsibilities daily. While both parents find joy in childcare, societal expectations and the emotional load often leave mothers feeling overwhelmed.