Updated: March 23, 2018
Originally Published: November 30, 2014
As I approach the ten-month mark with my seventh little one, it has become clear to me that parenting is all about navigating one challenging phase after another. Just when you think you’ve survived the toughest stretch, a new, even trickier one arrives…
Phase 1 — Sleep Deprivation.
If you’re fortunate, this phase might last just two or three months. However, many parents find themselves in the thick of it for six or seven months. But hang in there! One night, you’ll collapse into bed expecting to wake up in a couple of hours, only to find that eight hours have passed. You’ll bolt upright in a panic, convinced something must be wrong. But there she is, peacefully sleeping through the night! You’ll breathe a sigh of relief, thinking, “Finally, things will be easier now…” But then, you’ll encounter…
Phase 2 — Mobility.
This stage is a real doozy. Suddenly, your little explorer can crawl, walk, and find every choking hazard imaginable to shove into their mouth. You’ll wish you could replace every toilet, garbage can, and pet dish in your home. Your ability to get anything done around the house? Gone. And you’ll quickly discover just how dirty your home really is when you notice the shade of gray (or black) on those little knees. This phase typically lasts around two years, but one day, you’ll leave the bathroom door ajar, and miraculously, no one will decide to dunk their face in the toilet. Ah, bliss! But then…
Phase 3 — Talking.
You’ll encourage your child to say that magical first word. “Say Mama! Please, say Mama!!!” What you don’t realize is that once they begin to talk, they don’t stop. Those first few “Mamas” are adorable, but the 4000th repetition can be a bit grating—especially when it’s followed by “You’re the worst!” and “ever.” This phase seems never-ending, but eventually, you come to terms with it.
Phase 4 — The Terrible Threes and Fours.
Forget the so-called “terrible twos.” The threes? They’re a nightmare. And when you hit the fours, you might find yourself questioning your sanity. Expect to hear the words “Whyyyyyyyyyy?” and “Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaase???” and “NO!” a staggering number of times each day. Whoever invented time-outs must have been living through this phase. You’ll emerge from it breathless and on the brink of a breakdown.
Phase 5 — Lying.
If you think your kids don’t lie, you might still be in this phase and simply fooling yourself.
Phase 6 — “But Jane’s mom lets her do it.”
This one speaks for itself.
Phase 7 — Teenagers.
This stage is a close contender with phase four in terms of horror. But at least in this phase, your kids might be taller than you and can outrun you. So, you might agree that it’s the worst phase yet.
Phase 8 — Can I have some money?
This phase seems to stretch on indefinitely. Believe me, I know—I’m 45 years old, and I’m still in it!
For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out our articles on related topics, including our privacy policy here, and if you’re looking for resources on home insemination, visit Make a Mom. You can also find excellent information on pregnancy and insemination at Cleveland Clinic.
Summary:
Parenting is a journey filled with various challenging phases, from sleep deprivation to the trials of raising teenagers. Each stage brings its unique hurdles and joys, ultimately shaping the experience of parenthood.