Remember high school English class? You might recall the term “poetic justice,” which refers to a fitting punishment for a wrongdoing. Dante illustrated this concept in his vision of Hell, where discord sowers are punished by having their bodies torn apart endlessly. Or think about a burglar who sets a trap for others, only to find himself ensnared.
When it comes to habits, there’s a similar poetic irony at play. Good habits reward us simply by being good habits. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.”
But the real kicker? The poetic irony behind bad habits. A friend of mine once expressed, “I feel too anxious to deal with my bad habits, but it’s those very habits that make me anxious.” Interestingly, research shows that some women who stress about their finances resort to “retail therapy”—shopping as a way to cope. Gamblers often find themselves caught in a cycle of distraction through gambling, and procrastinators can become so overwhelmed by tasks that they avoid them altogether, seeking comfort in anything from massages to Netflix binges. As one reader commented on my blog, “I feel anxious about my unfinished work, so I treat myself to a massage. But then I’m not getting anything done!”
Those who approach their failures with self-compassion are much better at regaining control. Al Roker, in his memoir Never Goin’ Back, recalls a poignant moment: after promising his dying father to lose weight, he found himself indulging in two grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch later that same day.
You might think that guilt and shame serve as motivators to uphold good habits, but in reality, they can backfire. Feeling guilty about a bad habit can lead to seeking temporary comfort through that very habit, creating a vicious cycle. Here’s where poetic irony comes into play again.
On the flip side, self-compassion helps us resist these bad habits. Instead of viewing our slip-ups as weaknesses, we can acknowledge that they’re part of the journey to forming healthier habits. Reminding ourselves with phrases like “It happens,” “We’ve all been there,” or “What counts is what I do most of the time” can help us learn from our missteps and do better next time. This kind of encouragement is far more effective than self-blame.
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In summary, bad habits often lead to a cycle of anxiety and guilt, which can ironically reinforce them. By cultivating self-compassion and viewing our setbacks as part of the learning process, we can foster better habits and improve our overall well-being.