Let’s face it: we all have our fears. Mine range from lurking zombies to creepy cockroaches and even the heart-stopping pop of a biscuit can. But nothing quite struck terror into my heart like the idea of pooping during childbirth.
Sure, I had other worries – like the whole birthing process and what it might do to my body. I can vividly remember my first pregnancy, when I thought, “What will it be like to give birth?” The image that came to mind was essentially cramming an overstuffed pillow through a turtleneck. But then, panic set in over something even more embarrassing: what if I accidentally pooped on the delivery table?
I stumbled across a line in a pregnancy book that said something like, “Push as if you’re having a bowel movement.” My mind went into overdrive. I thought, “Wait a minute, what’s stopping me from actually having a bowel movement?” The horrifying realization hit me: nothing! Whatever was in there – baby, placenta, or last night’s questionable dinner – was destined to make an appearance. Suddenly, I couldn’t shake the image of a mortifyingly public situation.
In a moment of sheer panic, I called my mom. “What if I poop on the delivery table?” I cried. Her response was surprisingly calm: “It happens, sweetie. It’s really not a big deal.” My jaw dropped. Not a big deal? The thought of dropping a deuce in front of a room full of strangers – including my husband, who I hoped would still want to be intimate with me after that – was a catastrophic nightmare! I trusted the medical team to manage the birth. But watching me poop? I couldn’t bear to think about it. I mean, I once giggled uncontrollably in Zumba class when I heard someone let one rip!
I constructed a cringe-worthy scenario in my head: there I’d be, knees up, spotlight shining on my vulnerable self, surrounded by medical staff, including a young doctor who looked just like a heartthrob from an old movie. And then – cue catastrophic fart noise – the moment would arrive. I envisioned horrified faces, gagging, and muffled laughter.
But in reality, as I prepared for childbirth, I was so focused on meeting my little one that my fears took a backseat. When it was time to push, all I could think about was finally seeing the baby I had been longing for. The nurse instructed me to “push through your bottom,” and in my epidural haze, I did just that. I noticed her swiftly changing the absorbent pad beneath me, and then it hit me: oh no, I must have pooped.
But where was the laughter? The gasps of horror? I discovered that nobody even batted an eye. In fact, my husband later confirmed my suspicions without a hint of disgust.
So here’s the scoop, future birthers: it’s really not as terrible as you imagine. Sure, nobody wants to deliver a “bonus” along with their baby, but if it happens, it’s nothing to stress over. The medical staff are pros, and if they do find it amusing, they’re experts at maintaining a poker face.
As you embark on your journey of motherhood, focus on the joy of bringing new life into the world. Trust me, you’ll have plenty to think about – and let’s not even get into the first postpartum poop. But that’s a tale for another time!
If you’re interested in more insights about pregnancy, check out this post! And for those looking for an authority on home insemination, you might want to visit Make a Mom for their specialized kits. Additionally, Cleveland Clinic offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while the thought of pooping during childbirth can be daunting, it’s surprisingly common and not nearly as embarrassing as you may fear. Focus on the miracle of birth, and let the little things roll off your back – including the occasional poop.