Let’s talk about the nightmare of airplane travel: the dreaded seatmate. Specifically, I’m referring to the person who takes it upon themselves to bathe in cologne. What on earth was Charles (let’s call him that) thinking? It doesn’t really matter what fragrance he chose; anything that can be detected from a distance greater than a neck-snuggle shouldn’t even be classified as a scent anymore.
I contemplated saying something to Charles about his overpowering aroma, but eventually realized there were no kind words to express my horror. Anyone who enters a cramped space and decides that their personal scent is the one everyone else should endure for the next six hours must be a little off-kilter. Maybe they think they’re being charming—who knows? But let’s be real: a heavy cologne user is very likely a control freak, with a sprinkle of sadism.
As I stared at the back of Charles’s head, I wondered what compelled him to slather on such a potent substance before leaving the house. I even considered printing T-shirts that said things like “COLOGNE IS A CRIME AGAINST AIR” or “IF YOU’RE WEARING COLOGNE, PLEASE KEEP YOUR DISTANCE—STARTING WITH ME!” I thought about something straightforward, like a simple “NO COLOGNE” crossed out in bold letters.
The cologne industry is no joke; it raked in nearly a billion dollars in 2013, according to NPD Group. Interestingly, 72 percent of men who wear fragrances started doing so when they were 17 or younger. So while a cologne ban seems far off (not to be confused with outlaw cologne), perhaps we should initiate some sort of fragrance awareness in schools.
On a brighter note, 37 percent of American men choose to skip cologne altogether. If you happen to be one of them, please do your friends and family a favor: tell the ones who do wear cologne that they might be giving others headaches and are possibly exhibiting some sociopathic tendencies. Also, I’m totally into marrying you or at least being seated behind you on a plane, sharing an elevator, or just walking past you on a sunny day.
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Summary
In this lighthearted commentary, Jane discusses the frustrations of sitting next to someone who overindulges in cologne on a plane. She humorously suggests that such individuals might be control freaks and advocates for fragrance awareness education. Jane also encourages those who don’t wear cologne to help their scented friends understand the impact of their choices.