Lately, I’ve stumbled upon several articles titled “5 Ways to Please Your Man,” and honestly, they make me roll my eyes rather than feel motivated. Here’s how the suggestions would play out in my own home…
Suggestion #1: Welcome him home in an apron and stilettos to show how much you care.
Reality Check: After putting the kids to bed early, you throw on the only apron you can find that reads, “I’m not aging; I’m marinating.” As for the heels? Let’s just say they haven’t seen the light of day since before the first child arrived. You end up rummaging through the basement in just an apron when your four-year-old pops out of bed and gleefully declares, “Eeeew! Mom’s got a big bum!” By the time your husband arrives home, you’re sprawled out on the couch, waiting for him with a bag of potato chips on your chest—one navy heel and one black heel adorning your feet.
Suggestion #2: Surprise him at work in a trench coat and high heels.
Reality Check: Your 20-year-old babysitter and 65-year-old neighbor stare as you strut out looking like some kind of cartoon character in the summer heat. The kids chime in, “I wanna be Perry the Platypus too!” When you reach your husband’s office, the security guard insists on checking your bag. Cue the cherry-red face as you make a quick retreat back to the minivan.
Suggestion #3: Send him a sultry selfie. Extra points for a little skin.
Reality Check: You ponder the long-term effects of text messages while locked in the bathroom, attempting to master seductive poses and pouts—all while ignoring the banging on the door from your kids. You almost slip on a puddle of pee, and eventually decide to send a picture without your face. Hours later, your husband replies, “Did Timmy get another spider bite? It looks nasty this time.”
Suggestion #4: Sit on his lap and profess your undying love for him.
Reality Check: As you attempt to sit on his lap, he keeps shifting to the side, saying, “Why don’t we just sit on the big couch?” A two-year-old decides Daddy’s lap is now her territory, and soon enough, two more kids squeeze in between you. Leaning over tiny heads, you whisper, “You’re my hero,” only for him to scratch his ear and say, “Huh?” while switching the Netflix to the latest cartoon.
Suggestion #5: Book a table at his favorite restaurant and dish out a spicy secret midway through dinner.
Reality Check: His favorite place? You consider the $3 pizza joint before remembering it’s a kid-free night. After the salad, you lean in and whisper, “I’m not wearing any underwear.” He replies, “Oh, do we need to do laundry?” After a couple of glasses of wine, you both end up passed out on the couch with your mouths wide open—right after changing back into comfy PJs and your trusty undies.
If you’re looking for more tips—or just some good laughs—be sure to check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. And remember, if you’re considering your options, you can also explore helpful guides on fertility boosters at this link. And if you’d like to reach out, feel free to connect with us here.
Summary:
Navigating the humorous realities of trying to please your partner can be a challenge! From misguided attempts to surprise him in sexy outfits to the chaos of family life, it’s clear that intentions often clash with reality. Whether you’re looking for light-hearted advice or practical tips for improving your relationship, sometimes laughter is the best medicine.