A couple of months after I hit 40, my partner and I decided to take the plunge into parenthood. Just two weeks later, I learned I was pregnant.
“But that was our first try!” I exclaimed, feeling both shocked and thrilled. “Who gets pregnant on the first attempt?”
“Apparently us,” my partner replied with a grin.
What were we thinking? I assumed we’d have a good six months to ease into the idea of starting a family, and truthfully, I was still on the fence about it. But hey, shout out to my 40-year-old uterus for stepping up!
During a routine trip to a store for some area rugs, I felt a strange tug in my gut. I brushed it off as nerves, but the next morning, I noticed something alarming in the bathroom. After several hours in waiting rooms and an ultrasound, the radiologist delivered the heartbreaking news: “There’s usually a reason these things happen. The fetus likely wasn’t viable.”
Two months later, I found myself pregnant again. As painful as the first experience was, it imparted valuable lessons that shaped me into a better mom.
1. Relax a Little
You know how clumsy drunks often bounce back from falls because they’re relaxed? That became my mantra during my second pregnancy. The first time around, I devoured every book and tool on pregnancy, obsessively preparing my body for perfection. This time? I celebrated the news with brie and cookie dough, and I let go of the stress. I figured, if I had survived one miscarriage, I could handle this journey with a lighter heart. Every stretch mark, every craving, every moment of that pregnancy felt incredible.
2. Material Things Don’t Matter
My partner and I splurged on a gorgeous leather couch that we thought would be the centerpiece of our living room. Fast forward to today, and that couch has endured countless spills and toddler antics. Our beautiful decor has transformed into a battlefield of toys and stains. Honestly, those fancy things just aren’t worth the stress.
3. Embrace the “Yes”
Sometimes, after a long day, all I want is a glass of wine and a night of binge-watching my favorite shows. But instead, I find myself on the floor with my 3-year-old, playing games and dancing around. He may not fit on my lap forever, so for now, it’s a resounding “yes” to all the moments we can share.
4. I Chose the Right Partner
After my miscarriage, my partner was utterly clueless about how to cope. He even joked that his stomach hurt from the kale salad we ate—clearly, his guilt was manifesting as food poisoning. While it was frustrating, his struggle helped us bond. We learned to navigate our grief together, and it solidified our partnership.
5. My Body is Resilient
After my miscarriage, I found myself questioning my body. Was I the problem? But then I realized that my body was functioning as it should. Miscarriages often occur due to developmental issues, and I had to let go of the blame.
6. Community Matters
Once I opened up about my experience, I discovered that miscarriages are more common than I thought. Friends came forward with their own stories, and sharing those experiences built a sense of camaraderie. We support each other through the highs and lows, and that connection is invaluable.
7. Prioritize Joy
The dishes can wait. The bills can be paid later. Right now, my son wants to dance to the ABCs with me, and I’m all in. I’ll catch up on chores after he’s asleep because being present in these moments is what truly counts.
Overall, my journey through miscarriage has shaped me into a more mindful and grateful mom. I guess in a way, that little fetus did have a viable impact after all.
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