I confess: I’m a helicopter parent. It’s not exactly how I envisioned my parenting style, but given the circumstances, it feels like the only choice. Ideally, I’d love to adopt a more laid-back, free-spirited approach, reminiscent of my own mother’s parenting in West Virginia. Back then, she would whip up meals and strum her guitar on the porch while I explored the great outdoors—playing by the creek, biking alongside old train tracks, blissfully unbothered by grades or extracurriculars.
Fast forward to today, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be the mom armed with flashcards, setting timers for violin practice, and pleading with the school principal for that coveted fourth-grade teacher. Society seems to place a hefty amount of pressure on parents—especially mothers—to adopt a relaxed parenting style. Articles and advice often come with a scolding tone, suggesting that being “controlling” is a negative trait. But let’s be real: that word “controlling” feels a bit too gendered, doesn’t it? Trying to maintain some level of control over your child’s future seems rational, especially in our current chaotic economic landscape.
Recent research by economists from Northwestern University and the University of Zurich sheds light on why helicopter parenting is on the rise. Their findings indicate that increasing income inequality and the heightened value placed on education have made a more involved parenting style a logical choice. As they put it, “Children who fail to complete their education can no longer look forward to a secure, middle-class life, and consequently parents have redoubled their efforts to ensure their children’s success.”
Just yesterday at the park, I chatted with a mom who had just returned from a year in Sweden. “Is it true,” I asked, almost like a curious child, “that you can drop your kid off at daycare for a couple of hours without breaking the bank?” She confirmed it, explaining that parents pay a nominal fee based on their income, and there are health centers everywhere to manage kids’ vaccinations and medical needs. No financial ruin if a doctor’s visit is required, and higher education is free.
What stood out most, she said, was how laid-back the Swedish mothers are. “There’s none of that stress or frantic rushing you see with American parents.”
Ah, the anxiety. I’m a helicopter parent not because I seek control, but because the stakes have never been higher. If this were the 1960s, kids could afford to flunk classes without dire consequences. They might take a year off to find themselves, and we would cheer them on from our porches. But in today’s world, if they don’t get into a good college—or worse, enroll and drop out—they could end up with a mountain of debt and no job prospects.
For my generation, who began having children during the recession, the reality of job insecurity looms large. We all know someone—or are that someone—who has faced financial hardship, lost homes, or seen retirement plans evaporate. As a mother, my main goal is to help my kids secure a stable future, which now requires not just college but often graduate school too. This means they need to hit the ground running from a young age.
With my little ones still small, I’m committed to being a helicopter parent—pushing for the best schools, keeping tabs on their homework, maybe hiring tutors if we can afford it, and filling their schedules with beneficial extracurricular activities.
People love to label women as uptight or controlling, even when their actions are rational responses to precarious circumstances. It’s time we acknowledge the structural economic inequalities that shape our parenting choices. Drs. Doepke and Zilibotti point out that if the trend toward higher inequality continues, we can expect to see an even greater push toward more involved parenting.
In the end, I’m just trying to give my kids the best shot at a secure future, and I think that’s completely understandable.
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