Updated: Dec. 26, 2015
Originally Published: Oct. 2, 2014
So, it was just two husbands—one of whom happens to be mine. And yes, there were several glasses of white wine and a few cocktails involved. Regardless of how “controlled” the environment was, this highly reliable—if purely anecdotal—research holds some weight and is set to be published in a peer-reviewed online journal. Perhaps you’re reading it right now!
The husbands in our study were first asked three yes or no questions:
- Do you think it was wrong for a parent to use a switch to discipline their child?
- Should the NFL have responded more decisively to the incident involving a player hitting his partner?
- Is it wrong for someone to hack and release private photos of celebrities like Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton?
Somewhere between drinks two and three, their answers came out loud and clear: 1) Yes, 2) Yes, and 3) Yes. The wives conducting the questioning were initially thrilled with these responses. However, further probing complicated matters in a big way.
When asked if their strong convictions would influence how much NFL they watched or if they’d partake in fantasy football, the husbands responded with a resounding—and might I add, rather loudly for a quaint little restaurant—“Heck, no!” Researchers were left scratching their heads when, on the topic of the Cloud hacking scandal, every single participant agreed with the statement, “The women whose photos were leaked were violated.” This was comforting to the questioners. Yet, only half of the husbands admitted to checking out the photos, while the other half first claimed, “No,” before backtracking to “I wanted to but they were already gone. So, no, I didn’t look!”
When one of the researchers called out that line of thinking as nonsense and argued that clicking the link at all equated to condoning the act—in a tone that may have startled nearby diners—it seemed one participant chuckled and waved his hand dismissively. Thankfully, he wasn’t married to that researcher, which might have lessened some post-study tension at home. (The second husband’s comment—“Dude, you’re the one getting all the flak here, but I’m the one who saw the pics!”—did, however, create some tension in my—I mean, his—home.)
Researchers now face a perplexing situation. The data suggests that even “good” guys can casually overlook unacceptable behavior, especially when it comes to their fantasy football standings. But do these findings point to a troubling inner conflict and a flawed value system among the participants? If so, how does that clash with the otherwise solid moral compass that was thoroughly assessed before they became parents and homeowners? How do you stay married to a seemingly respectful man who would rather undergo a root canal than harm anyone, yet seems willing to excuse such actions in others?
Of course, these results don’t account for mitigating factors, like the current standing of the New England Patriots or opinions on the dance scenes in Silver Linings Playbook. Researchers are optimistic, however, that through relentless Sunday afternoon discussions, pointed questions like, “What if that were your daughter—not that it should matter!” and repeated expressions of disappointment, the participants’ attitudes can be adjusted. Or maybe not. More research is needed.
If you’re interested in further exploring topics around home insemination, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination: UCSF Center for Reproductive Health. And if you want to dive deeper into home insemination methods, Cryobaby is a go-to authority on the subject!
In summary, while the study revealed some surprising insights into the casual acceptance of questionable behavior among well-meaning men, it also highlighted the complexities of moral reasoning. Further exploration is necessary to understand and potentially shift these attitudes, especially when it comes to issues that may hit closer to home than expected.