When I was expecting my first child, a decade ago and countless sleepless nights in the past, I approached pregnancy much like I did my college studies: by devouring every piece of information available, attending classes, and joining forums. A dedicated student at heart, I was determined to ace “Motherhood 101.”
I religiously went to childbirth classes, toured the hospital, and even dragged my partner to our breastfeeding workshop. I meticulously washed all the baby clothes in hypoallergenic detergent. I practiced my kegels.
Then, the big day arrived.
Like many new moms, I found myself recovering in bed, dealing with all sorts of bodily surprises, stitches in unexpected places, and my hormones doing the cha-cha. All I could think was, “Why didn’t anyone prepare me for this?”
The truth? I didn’t want to hear it. During my pregnancy, I was only interested in discussions about birthing plans, baby gear, and diaper pails. I didn’t realize that giving birth was just the beginning. I can’t blame a secret society of mothers; I simply wouldn’t have listened.
Here are ten things I wish I had known — and that I hope you will:
- The moment you first see or hold your baby, it might not feel like a fairytale. You might still have a doctor stitching you up or a nurse helping with the delivery of the placenta. You could be in pain or utterly exhausted. If the angelic choir isn’t singing, that’s okay. You’ll have plenty of magical moments later on.
- Your first bathroom visit post-delivery will be monumental. Don’t hesitate to ask for help; it’s not worth passing out alone. Get ready for a long journey of compromised dignity. After all, you’ll be navigating parenthood where privacy is a luxury.
- Breastfeeding can be quite challenging. It takes time to find the right position that works for your likely wailing newborn. Initially, it can be painful. My experience included cracked and bleeding nipples and a terrifying feeling of engorgement. But with the help of a lactation consultant, it did get better. And remember, if breastfeeding isn’t for you, that’s perfectly fine; loving your baby is what truly matters.
- By day four postpartum, tears will likely flow. This is when your hormones crash, and you may feel like everything is falling apart. It’s okay to cry. However, if those feelings persist, don’t hesitate to reach out for help.
- Do yourself a favor and avoid real clothes for at least two weeks. Once you put on actual clothing, people will expect you to be functional. Stick to your comfy pajamas unless you want to juggle chores alongside healing and caring for a newborn.
- Babies don’t always sleep, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. They will eventually get the hang of it. While other parents may claim their babies sleep like angels, they might be stretching the truth or defining “sleep” in an entirely different way. Just like adults, every baby is unique, and sleep patterns vary widely.
- Trust your instincts; you know your baby better than anyone else. Don’t let others make you feel inadequate. There’s no single correct way to parent, and you don’t have to follow your mother-in-law’s approach. Listen to your gut.
- Seek support from community groups, whether they’re for new moms, breastfeeding, or just neighborhood gatherings. Connecting with fellow new parents can be a lifesaver. Navigating this new chapter feels a lot like starting college; you need your fellow freshmen to share the experience.
- Avoid the martyr complex. Kids don’t celebrate martyrs when they grow up. Enlist help from friends or hire someone to hold the baby while you take a moment for yourself. It’s a tough transition to motherhood, and it’s perfectly okay to admit that it can be overwhelming at times.
- Capture as many moments as you can with photos (and be in them!). You really won’t remember much of this phase later on. Trust me on that!
Above all, I wish someone had told me that the first year of being a mom is like nothing else, regardless of how many kids you have. Each day is a miracle filled with challenges that may seem to last forever. You’ll learn that the idea of getting an A-plus is a myth, and you will emerge changed. Sometimes, you just have to experience it for yourself; no book or class can truly prepare you for the reality of motherhood.
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Summary:
Navigating the first year of motherhood is a unique experience filled with joy, challenges, and surprises. While you may feel unprepared, it’s essential to embrace the journey, seek support, and trust your instincts as a parent. Remember, each baby is different, and taking care of yourself is just as important as caring for your little one.