Updated: Sep. 16, 2023
Before I had kids, I often rolled my eyes at the seasoned parents who would say, “You just don’t get it until you have your own.” I thought I understood the concept: kids are adorable, but they also come with a hefty dose of responsibility. I figured I could practice with a pet or something. But now, as a mother of three, let me tell you: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE IN FOR UNTIL YOU HAVE KIDS! I apologize for the emphasis, but it’s the honest truth.
If I had the chance to offer advice to new parents, I wouldn’t waste time stating the obvious. Yes, your life will change. Yes, kids require a lot of attention. Instead, I’d invite them to sit down, relax, maybe enjoy a drink, and share some real talk about what’s coming their way. So, let’s dive into the nitty-gritty…
#1: Kids Are Unpleasantly Messy
Sure, most people without kids know that children tend to produce a lot of bodily fluids—think poop, pee, and vomit. But nothing could prepare you for the reality of being the one to clean it all up. It’s not just about diapers or occasional stomach bugs; it’s when your child decides to have a bathroom mishap in the middle of a store. Or when they think they’re ready to pee alone but forget to drop their pants. And don’t even get me started on the time my friend’s little one threw up all over the place after a tantrum. These incidents will not be rare, especially when they’re little. If your child has a flair for the dramatic, you could be dealing with these messes multiple times a day. And trust me, you’ll end up with a fair share of it on you too.
By the way, every kid goes through a phase of eating their own boogers. I know you might think only other kids do this, but that’s a myth. Your child will give it a try at least once. They may even sample some forgotten snacks they find under the couch or on the floor. It’s all part of the adventure.
#2: Kids Are Walking Dirt Clouds
Before becoming a parent, I had a vague idea that kids were prone to dirt. I’d babysat enough to know they could leave a trail of crumbs. But I had no clue that dirt and messes would become a part of my everyday life. No matter how often you clean them up after meals, crumbs will find their way into your bed, your car, and even inside the toothpaste tube! And don’t be surprised to find leftover snacks embedded in your car seats—these little scavengers are excellent at stashing away food for later.
And speaking of messes, everything in your house will become sticky. Toys, furniture, and even the cat will bear the marks of little hands. Be prepared to stock up on cleaning supplies, especially for the drinks they’ll inevitably spill at every meal.
#3: Kids Are Toy Collectors
If you have kids, toys will flood your home. It’s like a toy store exploded, and you can’t contain the chaos. You’ll find toys in every room, stuffed into corners, and occupying any free space they can find. Even if you try to limit toy purchases, relatives and friends will shower your kids with noisy, flashy gifts—thanks, grandma!
As your family grows, so will the storage solutions you’ll need. You might start with a sorting system for the toys but soon give in, tossing everything into any bin with a little free space. Don’t stress about the mess; it’s easier to surrender than to fight it.
#4: Kids Are Food Thieves
Kids can be picky eaters or bottomless pits, and if you have more than one, you’ll likely experience both extremes. Regardless of their eating habits, when they see you with food, they will inevitably want a bite. “Can I have a bite? Just one, please!”
If you want to enjoy your meal, you have two choices: either deny them entirely or give them a huge portion of something you know they won’t like. The former might save your meal, while the latter will likely end with them spitting it back out. You might just want to sneak away for a quiet bite, hiding in another room!
#5: Kids Have a Different Sleep Agenda
New parents are well aware of sleepless nights, but the unpredictability of kids’ sleep schedules doesn’t end when they grow up. Just when you think you have a routine down, your child will decide to skip their nap on the day you have something planned or wake up at dawn when you could have slept in. Prepare for days where naps are a myth and bedtime is a battle.
#6: Kids Are Incredibly Demanding
Newborns require constant attention, and while most parents are prepared for that, few anticipate that this neediness will only grow as they age. They’ll need help with everything from homework to emotional support—and it often feels relentless.
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In summary, the journey of parenthood is filled with unexpected surprises and messy realities that you truly only understand once you’re in it. From the chaos of toys and spills to the unending neediness of your little ones, parenting is a wild ride that changes everything in ways you can’t anticipate.