Let me be candid: I allowed my baby to cry. I won’t dress it up as “Sleep Training” or get fancy with acronyms like “CIO.” I let my little one cry so she could learn the art of falling asleep independently. It was one of the most challenging decisions I’ve ever made as a mom, but it was also crucial.
One chilly December night, while my husband was on a business trip, my mom stepped in to help her exhausted daughter manage her equally sleep-deprived granddaughter. We weren’t just mildly fatigued; we were in the depths of the infamous 4-month sleep regression (seriously, just writing that gives me a mini panic attack), and I needed reinforcements.
Harper refused to sleep. On average, it took about two hours each night to get her to doze off. She would fall asleep at the breast, only for me to gently lay her in her crib, where she’d immediately awaken, forcing us to start the whole process again. Once I finally got her down, she’d wake up every hour or so. It was relentless.
Both my baby and I were in dire need of sleep, and we simply weren’t getting it. So, I made the tough choice to teach her how to sleep on her own. I knew it would be challenging, but I compared it to taking her for vaccinations. She would cry (and so would I), but it was a necessary step.
That first night, Harper cried for 25 minutes. My mom monitored the baby monitor while I sobbed in the shower, feeling like the worst mother ever. I was abandoning my child. My mom tried to console me: “We know she’s not hungry, her diaper is clean, she’s safe.” Yeah, but she just wants me. My heart shattered into countless pieces, and I felt utterly defeated.
Just when I thought I couldn’t handle it anymore, my baby girl fell silent. She had drifted off to sleep. But instead of feeling relief, I was overwhelmed with guilt and sorrow. I was convinced I had emotionally scarred her and that our bond would never be the same. The tears kept flowing.
The next morning, as soon as she stirred, I rushed to her crib, eager to scoop her up and apologize profusely. I wanted to show her how much I loved her.
To my surprise, when I entered her nursery, she was smiling. How could she be so cheerful? Wasn’t she still mad at me? Nope. She was simply happy and well-rested.
As the nights progressed, the crying lessened. Knowing that we would have to endure the first night again motivated me to push through the subsequent evenings. They were still difficult. My mom continued to watch the monitor, and I still shed tears. But each morning, Harper greeted me with a smile.
Sure, we still have our challenging nights and naps, but overall, she’s a much better sleeper and a happier baby.
Top Five Reasons I Let My Baby Cry
- We both needed sleep. It’s simple, right? But as moms, we often prioritize our babies’ needs over our own. Yes, I could run on empty, but my baby needed quality sleep, too. She was cranky and overtired, and sleep was essential for her well-being.
- Co-sleeping didn’t work out. In my desperate attempts to help Harper sleep, I tried co-sleeping. I know many families swear by it, but when I tried it, Harper was wide awake and ready to play instead of sleep. Major fail.
- I missed my husband. Having a baby can strain a marriage, and when your baby won’t sleep, it can feel like you’re just roommates. I realized that I needed to reconnect with my husband, who was almost a stranger in my fog of sleeplessness.
- I needed to reclaim my time. I love spending time with my baby, but I also treasure my personal time. Some days I long for the moment when I could relax with a glass of wine and my favorite show, knowing my baby was peacefully sleeping in her nursery.
- It was the best choice for us. I understand that this topic can be polarizing. Some moms resonate with my decision, while others might view it as cruel. Ultimately, letting Harper learn to fall asleep independently was what worked for us, because she was ready for it.
Amid all the advice new moms receive, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. What truly made a difference for us was tuning out the noise, trusting my maternal instincts, and listening to the expert—my baby girl.
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In summary, allowing my baby to cry was a tough but necessary decision that ultimately led to better sleep for both of us. It’s important to do what feels right for your family, trusting your instincts along the way.