So there I was, enjoying dinner with my kids when I spotted my daughter’s hand wandering beneath her dress. “Honey, we don’t touch our bodies at the table. Please go wash your hands and finish eating,” I gently reminded her. She nodded, dashed off, washed up, and returned to her plate.
Little ones are curious creatures, and their bodies intrigue them. They don’t carry the weight of shame or embarrassment; they see their bodies as fascinating and functional. After all, who wouldn’t be amazed by the ability to jump, run, and yes, even touch? It’s not about sexuality; it’s simply about exploration.
When I first noticed my child engaging with herself, I froze. I didn’t want to yell “No!” or “Stop!” because that wouldn’t teach her anything positive. I mulled it over for a couple of days, and when the opportunity arose again, I calmly said, “Sweetheart, we don’t play with our bodies in the living room.” It sounded a bit odd, but it was important. I explained that while it’s perfectly natural to explore, there are appropriate times and places for it, like in the bathroom or their bedroom. She grinned and went off to her room without hesitation, because kids understand boundaries when you explain them.
Soon enough, our family motto became, “We don’t eat in the bathroom, and we don’t touch our bodies in the living room.” Over time, it evolved into, “We don’t touch our bodies at the table.”
Some might label me as “sex positive.” This doesn’t mean I have in-depth discussions about the joys of intimacy with my four-year-olds; rather, I strive to be transparent about bodies and their functions. As parents, we often construct little white lies—think about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy—but when it comes to the reality of human reproduction, I keep it real.
I want my kids to grow up without shame regarding their bodies or confusion about how they work. We openly discuss where babies come from, reading books like Where Did I Come From? and What Makes A Baby?, which cover a range of topics from IVF to C-sections, seamlessly weaving in how love and sex are part of the bigger picture.
Many parents worry about “the talk.” I believe my kids and I already have an ongoing dialogue about these subjects. Dishonesty around sex leads to misunderstandings in adolescence. Telling kids that sex is “just for mommies and daddies” creates confusion later on. It might even blur the lines between love and lust for teens, leading to poor choices.
The reality is that most people enjoy sex. It feels good for a reason; it’s part of our human experience. However, it’s crucial to understand that just because it feels good doesn’t mean it’s always right.
This is what sex-positive parenting is about: not sheltering them from the truth but providing them with the full story, allowing them to make informed decisions. It’s about teaching them that while sex can be wonderful, it also carries risks. They should be empowered to use protection and understand their boundaries.
It’s essential to communicate that any sexual feelings or actions are not wrong or sinful. Kids need to know that sex exists, and it’s vital to equip them with the understanding to make safe and informed choices when the time comes.
In the realm of sex education, there are many differing opinions. Some believe that if kids don’t fear sex, they’ll engage in it recklessly. This abstinence-only approach has been proven ineffective, often resulting in higher teen pregnancy rates.
Honesty isn’t permission; it’s groundwork. When I say, “We don’t touch our bodies at the table,” I emphasize that consent is key and that they have autonomy over their bodies. They will be the ones who decide when they are ready.
I want to teach them about boundaries, safety, and the importance of permission. We even tackle subjects like tickling—when they say “stop,” I stop. When discussing pregnancy, we use accurate terms like “uterus,” “sperm,” and “eggs.”
I know that as they grow, conversations will evolve. We’ll address more complex topics like consent and realistic expectations of relationships. But for now, we’re laying the foundation.
The phrase “We don’t touch our bodies at the table” may sound silly, but it embodies vital lessons about safety, consent, and appropriateness. When the time comes to discuss more serious matters, I’ll be ready. I’ll be able to say, “We don’t engage in sex without careful thought and safety in mind.”
I like knowing that when they hear “we,” they understand that I’m in their corner. No matter the choices they make, they can always count on my support.
For more insights into these important conversations, check out our privacy policy here and explore resources at UCSF’s IVF page. And if you’re looking for ways to boost fertility, visit this helpful link.
Summary:
In this article, Jamie Parker explores the importance of open and honest discussions about bodies and sexuality with children. She emphasizes the need to teach boundaries, consent, and the reality of human reproduction, all while avoiding shame and confusion. By fostering a supportive environment, parents can help their children make informed choices about their bodies and relationships as they grow.