By: Jamie Thompson
Updated: August 16, 2015
Originally Published: July 23, 2014
Remember the viral sensation that was Sweet Brown? With her iconic line, “Ain’t nobody got time for that,” she perfectly captured the essence of our busy lives. As a parent, I find myself echoing that sentiment multiple times a day. So, for a little fun, here are 30 things that no mom has time for:
- Washing hands while singing “Happy Birthday” twice? By the time I get to “birthday,” my kid is already down aisle 7 at the store.
- Shopping? Forget leisurely browsing. Amazon.com is my new best friend.
- Bikram yoga? A 90-minute sweat session? No, thanks.
- Blow-drying the back of my hair. Seriously, does anyone even look back there?
- Clipping tiny fingernails? Unless they’re drawing blood, it can wait.
- Massages? Oh, how I long for a spa day!
- Holiday trips to Costco? Just… no.
- Oil changes? Is that light on yet? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
- Getting socks on a toddler? It’s like trying to wrestle a greased pig!
- Speeding tickets? There’s a reason I was rushing, okay?
- Trying on clothes? Shopping is already a chore, let’s not make it harder.
- Small talk? If you don’t have a point, let’s skip the chit-chat.
- Getting sick? Moms don’t have the luxury of downtime, especially not with vomit or diarrhea.
- Lounging on the couch while watching TV. Multitasking while folding laundry is the new norm.
- Hangovers? Kids don’t care if you had one too many last night. “Milk NOW, Mommy!”
- Drama? We might have enjoyed it pre-kids, but now? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
- Anything labeled “gourmet” or “from scratch.”
- Sewing? Yeah, no thanks. That’s what dry cleaners are for.
- Cleaning out the car? What’s the point? It’s just going to get messy again.
- Compiling photo albums? We take pictures like crazy, but organizing them? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
- Makeup? Just to wash it off later? Please.
- Waxing? You’d be surprised what can grow in just a few days!
- Preschool teacher conferences? “He colors well.” Wow, I’ll book him a spot at Harvard right away!
- Marathon training? Seriously, who has three hours on the weekend when sleep is on the line?
- Bento boxes? Ain’t nobody got time for adorable food compartments.
- Jury duty? There should be a checkbox for “I’m a mom.”
- Car trouble? It’s like the universe is testing me—please, no!
- Phone issues? I’d take car trouble any day over this headache.
- Boo-boos? When they’re little, we fuss, but after a few years? “Here’s a Band-Aid, kid. You’ll be fine.”
- Sex? Enough said.
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In conclusion, every mom knows that time is a luxury we can’t afford. From mundane tasks to unexpected challenges, we navigate it all with humor and resilience.