When you’re expecting or just become a mom, everyone feels the need to share their so-called wisdom. You’ll hear things like “Cherish every moment” or “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Really? I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I wish someone had told me this crucial piece of advice when my little one arrived: Don’t be that mom who thinks she knows best.
I see you, the Control Freak New Mom. Trust me, I was there too—scouring the internet, making lists, and thinking that with all this knowledge, I’d have parenting all figured out. But as a mentally drained mom of five, let me tell you: you’re setting yourself up for a world of stress. Whether you’re parenting one child or five, YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THE GO-TO EXPERT. Here’s why:
My First Experience as a New Mom
Let’s rewind to when I welcomed my first baby. There I was, along with my husband and our tiny son. While my husband was home for two weeks to help us settle in, I was the one doing most of the hands-on care. I spent more time with the baby, so naturally, I felt like I knew best. I had read all those parenting books, after all!
I would change him, burp him, feed him, and dictate his schedule as if he were a little puppet. If my husband picked him up, I couldn’t resist giving unsolicited advice about how he was holding him or burping him. And if the baby started crying, it was a quick “give him back to me!”
A Typical Saturday Morning
Fast forward to last Saturday morning at my house.
I wake up early and prepare breakfast because, of course, only I know what the kids should eat that day. I decide what they should wear for soccer practice, even though they’ve been playing for two months. Only I know where all their soccer gear is (including shin guards, cleats, and uniforms).
As we finally get ready to leave, I’m crouched down tying shoelaces while my husband scrolls through his iPad. He doesn’t get the kids ready because he’s been trained not to make any decisions about the kids. I hand him the bag with the change of clothes, lunches, and water bottles while fielding a barrage of questions from the kids. “Can I do this?” “Why does he get that?” By 9 a.m., I’m already exhausted from all the planning and decision-making and could use a nap myself.
Later in the afternoon, my “downtime hour” is consumed by answering emails from schools, coaches, and the PTA, all starting with “Just a friendly reminder!” I’m figuring out library hours for each child and trying to think of a creative excuse to skip some of the mind-numbing birthday parties we have to attend. Oh, and summer is coming—time to research camps! All the while, the kids are parked in front of the TV, which fills me with guilt. What’s my husband doing? Downloading music for his iPod!
The Dinner Dilemma
Dinner time rolls around, and it’s the moment to order our usual Saturday night pizza. This is considered “Daddy’s job.” Even though we’ve ordered the same pizza from the same place for years—about 336 times—he still looks to me for the go-ahead on what to order. I’ve unintentionally trained him to wait for my instruction, and now he’s ready to spring into action only when called upon.
Who Do You Want to Be?
So, who do you want to be? The 1-800 Call Center for kids or the fun-loving parent who gets to enjoy time with them?
I thought so! But if you’re not careful, you might end up just like me. Sure, you might gripe and complain like many of us moms do, but let’s be honest—it’s largely your own doing. You trained your partner from the moment that baby arrived to let YOU take the reins. You told him not to sweat the details, but to rather follow your lead. Now he’s become an expert at waiting in the wings.
Embrace the Chaos
So, here’s the bottom line: stop this cycle now. Embrace the chaos—stains on clothes, mismatched outfits, missed naps, and even letting the baby watch TV while you sip a drink. Let your partner tackle this messy, imperfect parenting gig. You might find that you enjoy a moment of peace or even fun with the kids. And when you come home, keep your mouth shut and resist the urge to critique when you spot spit-up on the carpet!
I’m trying to change my ways, but I’ll admit it’s probably too late for me. I’m just hoping to save you from making the same mistakes. Trust me, you’ll be grateful later on.
If you’re looking for more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out our post on Intracervical Insemination or learn from the experts at Make a Mom. For additional resources on fertility, visit Medical News Today.
Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of not trying to control every aspect of parenting, encouraging moms to let their partners take on responsibilities and embrace the messiness of family life. It highlights personal experiences and offers a humorous, relatable perspective on the challenges of new motherhood.