Updated: June 10, 2021
Originally Published: July 4, 2014
Recently, I found myself lecturing my son about the avalanche of toys he has scattered throughout the house. Determined to declutter, I grabbed a garbage bag and headed to my closet. What I discovered was shocking—vintage halter tops, faux leather pants, and other relics from my past that I haven’t thought about (or fit into) in ages. Here are eight items that once held a prime spot in my wardrobe, but are now destined for the donation pile.
1. Knee-High High-Heeled Boots
These were my go-to shoes, perfect for channeling my inner Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I sported them at work, during happy hours, and on first dates when I wanted to impress without showing too much skin. While many moms still rock this chic look at preschool drop-off, since having my second child, squeezing my size 8 feet into size 7 shoes feels like a scene from a horror movie. Of everything I’m parting with, these boots will be the hardest to let go.
2. Thong Underwear
With a toddler who thinks pulling my skirt up in public is a game and a kindergartner who rolls their eyes at everything I do, my life is already full of enough discomfort. I’m opting for comfy briefs. Plus, when a kid decides to give Mommy a surprise reveal in the checkout line, I won’t need to make a hasty exit with a discount towel over my head!
3. Miniskirts and Short Shorts
There are plenty of women who can pull off these styles effortlessly. They’re tall, lean, and have legs that belong on the cover of a magazine. I was never one of them, and certainly not after kids. The mere thought of the personal grooming involved makes me want to take a long nap.
4. Earrings
Earrings used to be my thing until I had kids and could barely find time to brush my hair. Sadly, my left earring hole closed up, leaving my beautiful earrings useless. I considered getting them re-pierced but then remembered I’m not a teenager anymore. Maybe when my daughter is ready, we’ll have a fun mother-daughter day at Claire’s, or I could just invest in clip-ons.
5. Strapless Bras
These were a bane to me long before my body faced the trio of gravity, pregnancy, and nursing. Now, my bosoms need all the support they can get, and by the end of the day, my bra feels more like a medieval torture device. No cute strapless dress will ever convince me to wear one of these contraptions again.
6. White Pants
Before kids, I wore white without a care. I even wore white capris after Labor Day! Now, I shudder at the thought of white pants. I never know what surprise awaits on my chair—markers, juice spills, or art projects. And let’s not forget my potty-training toddler wanting to sit in my lap while showcasing his new Cars underwear. I’ll need kids to be in college before I dare wear white again—if ever.
7. Graphic Tees with Beer Logos
My 6-year-old is now trying to read everything around her. I don’t need her stumbling upon “Heineken” or asking about the goofy frogs on my old Señor Frogs shirt from Cancun, 1994. The party’s over, amigos.
8. Maternity Clothes
I’ll admit I have a couple of maternity dresses that I still try to convince myself are stylish “baby doll” outfits. But mostly, my maternity clothes sit there, taunting me to acknowledge I’m done having babies. I’ve accepted that my family is complete, and if I ever change my mind, new clothes will be the least of my worries. Yet, the thought of parting with these items feels monumental. As I survey my closet, bursting at the seams, it’s time to reclaim this space—symbolism and all.
A lot has changed over the years, thankfully, including my wardrobe. It’s time for my closet to reflect the mature woman I am today, tossing out those embarrassing tanks that I wouldn’t dare wear outside. Though, I might keep those faux leather pants—just in case I want to impress my husband or take on a villain!
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In summary, it’s time to clear out my closet and embrace a wardrobe that fits my current lifestyle as a busy mom. Out with the old, in with the new!